Going The Distance - PART TWO

[00:00:00] Previously on Scotland's Women

[00:00:02] It was definitely a realisation that this is actually really good for me.

[00:00:06] There's an element of strength that goes with running.

[00:00:08] It's feeling strong, it's feeling powerful.

[00:00:11] It puts things in perspective.

[00:00:13] So I was having a bad day.

[00:00:14] I was struggling.

[00:00:16] I was finding it difficult to see my parents like that.

[00:00:18] But I wasn't having as bad a day as they were.

[00:00:20] Like, they were terrified, as you say, very unwell.

[00:00:24] Facing the fact that they didn't have very long left to live,

[00:00:26] it's not just sadness when you're dealing with that situation.

[00:00:30] It's anger and it's bitterness and it's frustration

[00:00:32] because you kind of feel like,

[00:00:34] why the hell is it us in this situation?

[00:00:36] Why are we having a cope with this?

[00:00:37] So I think going out and running and getting rid of a lot of that

[00:00:41] meant that I could come back and be in a more positive place

[00:00:43] and be like, okay, my shit doesn't matter now

[00:00:46] because I've got to help them deal with theirs.

[00:00:50] Scotland's women, our lives, our stories.

[00:00:53] Now let's get on with the show.

[00:01:10] First, can you tell us what you've achieved over the last few years?

[00:01:14] You went from competing in Scotland to competing around the world.

[00:01:19] Do you ever think back when you were first trying out

[00:01:23] and you put your dad's bite to where you are now?

[00:01:28] Yeah, not as pretty mental.

[00:01:30] Well, it was pretty mental.

[00:01:32] I think that's been...

[00:01:36] Yeah, it's...

[00:01:39] I don't know.

[00:01:40] I don't reflect that often.

[00:01:43] Not in a negative way but just in a...

[00:01:46] I don't know.

[00:01:47] As I said before, it's such an addictive sport

[00:01:49] that there isn't a bit of me

[00:01:50] that's always kind of looking to the next race.

[00:01:52] I do have to sometimes take stock and be like,

[00:01:55] do you know what, Kirsty? You've done okay, right?

[00:01:57] I have competed obviously on the GB age group team

[00:02:01] at a few world championships

[00:02:02] and European championships

[00:02:05] and won medals at Europeans.

[00:02:07] I've won a lot of Scottish national championships

[00:02:09] and British ones.

[00:02:11] And for a small period of time,

[00:02:13] I was racing elite for the 20...

[00:02:15] My aim was the 2014 Games.

[00:02:17] So I was kind of racing elite at that time

[00:02:19] and took part in a selection camp for the 2014 Games.

[00:02:23] I knew at the time it was a long shot.

[00:02:25] Although I was biking really well,

[00:02:27] strangely the thing I came to last is the thing I'm best at.

[00:02:30] So I was biking really, really well

[00:02:32] but I knew it was going to be a challenge.

[00:02:34] Must swim, needed work and my run needed work.

[00:02:36] And you know, it was a great thing to take part of

[00:02:39] and I'll never live it down that I missed

[00:02:41] times 50th birthday because I was away at a selection camp

[00:02:44] that weekend with triathlon Scotland.

[00:02:47] So he still brings that up every now and then

[00:02:49] but I've come kind of a long way.

[00:02:51] I've got to say that I feel the last few years

[00:02:54] has been my kind of best few years

[00:02:57] and it might sound silly

[00:02:59] because it's not been the years where I've been racing elite

[00:03:02] or anything like that.

[00:03:03] But I always felt when I was racing elite

[00:03:05] I was slightly out of my depth, you know?

[00:03:07] Like not that I couldn't have the ability.

[00:03:10] I just wasn't there yet.

[00:03:12] And it's really hard when you're competing against people

[00:03:14] who are training full time,

[00:03:16] you're holding down a full time job.

[00:03:17] I remember coming up to the Commonwealth Games

[00:03:19] they were saying well, if there's any chance

[00:03:21] that you've been selected

[00:03:21] you've got to go and do this race in Istanbul

[00:03:23] and you've got to go and do this race in Slovakia

[00:03:25] and I'm like looking at my work calendar going

[00:03:27] well, you know, I can only, as I'm a lecturer

[00:03:31] I can only really take out school holidays

[00:03:33] and things like that

[00:03:33] and trying to sort of work things around then.

[00:03:36] So it kind of added a stressful element

[00:03:38] to a triathlon that I'd never sort of experienced before.

[00:03:44] I mentioned before as well

[00:03:45] my kind of hate of capitalism and gender inequality

[00:03:48] but I think that was part of why

[00:03:50] I didn't like racing elite as well.

[00:03:52] There was this dog eat dog

[00:03:54] everyone out to get each other

[00:03:56] because there was sponsorship up for grabs

[00:03:59] and there was money up for grabs here

[00:04:01] and the whole commodification of the sport

[00:04:03] and you had to beat your pals

[00:04:06] because you wanted that money

[00:04:07] and you wanted that sponsorship

[00:04:09] and it didn't sort of fit with the ethos

[00:04:11] of what sport was to me.

[00:04:13] It was, I have so much respect for everyone who races elite

[00:04:18] and everyone who races pro

[00:04:19] and the stress, I mean I thought it'd be a great life

[00:04:22] you know, I wish I could just train in full time

[00:04:25] and just race when I wanted to

[00:04:28] and travel the world

[00:04:29] but they've got to put up with so much.

[00:04:31] I think they really have the stress

[00:04:33] of not knowing where their next pay packet's coming from

[00:04:36] and knowing they've got to get a certain result

[00:04:39] in order to get paid and things like that

[00:04:41] was just a real eye-opener to me

[00:04:43] and the level, I mean I always thought

[00:04:45] I'd trained at a really high level

[00:04:47] and then I'd go in and train with these guys

[00:04:48] and be like, oh, maybe we're going to sit down

[00:04:51] I feel like you're going to another lab, sorry guys.

[00:04:54] So yes, I feel where I am now

[00:04:56] is where I've been the happiest in my triathlon career.

[00:05:00] So last year, there's weird racing in Scotland, right?

[00:05:04] So you've got your Scottish Championship races,

[00:05:06] you've got the sprint distance Scottish Championship

[00:05:09] which is what I was competing in at the weekend

[00:05:11] and then you've got your requathlon Scottish Championship

[00:05:13] your middle distance

[00:05:15] which is the half Ironman Scottish Championship

[00:05:17] the Olympic distance, the cross triathlon

[00:05:20] and the duathlon.

[00:05:22] So they're all separate Scottish Championships

[00:05:24] you compete for the overall podium obviously

[00:05:26] so you want to be in the first three women overall

[00:05:28] but then because they recognise different distances

[00:05:31] are better at different ages

[00:05:33] you compete in your age groups

[00:05:35] so my age category now is 40 to 44

[00:05:38] is what I'm competing at now.

[00:05:41] So when I turned 40, I sort of thought my triathlon

[00:05:45] that the overall podium part of my life was over

[00:05:48] and I was like sort of focusing on category wins

[00:05:50] and I'd won in my 30s

[00:05:53] I'd won the Olympic distance Scottish title overall

[00:05:56] and I'd won randomly the cross triathlon Scottish title overall

[00:06:00] I don't know how I still go over the handlebars

[00:06:01] when I try mountain bike

[00:06:02] like I don't know how I managed it

[00:06:04] I think I just had a really good swim and run that day

[00:06:07] to be honest

[00:06:07] but I thought that was kind of

[00:06:09] you know, I've been my 40s that's my days over

[00:06:11] and last year the Scottish half Ironman title

[00:06:14] has always been the one I wanted

[00:06:15] the middle distance title

[00:06:17] and I thought my time is up for that

[00:06:18] but last year I won it

[00:06:20] so I was yeah, I was delighted

[00:06:21] Congratulations

[00:06:22] I was yeah, I've got to say that was

[00:06:25] the moment I came here when I went right okay

[00:06:27] I can retire now that's me done

[00:06:29] I was like yeah sure

[00:06:30] but yeah just so much about that race

[00:06:33] like it's up in Aberfelde

[00:06:34] it's beautiful

[00:06:35] the organiser Richard Pearson

[00:06:37] he's just a fantastic lovely guy

[00:06:39] always just such a chilled atmosphere

[00:06:41] Of course though

[00:06:43] Aberfelde

[00:06:43] Yeah it's tough

[00:06:44] yeah like you swim in Loctey

[00:06:47] and then so you come out in Kenmore

[00:06:49] you go up into the hills

[00:06:51] up the Sheaheilean climb

[00:06:52] round walk Rannick

[00:06:54] and then back into Aberfelde

[00:06:56] and then from Aberfelde

[00:06:57] you go out onto the country roads

[00:06:59] and you do your half marathon

[00:07:00] like an out and back loop

[00:07:01] Wow

[00:07:02] Yeah it's tough

[00:07:03] I think that's why I like it

[00:07:04] well because it's

[00:07:05] racing in Scotland

[00:07:06] it's always honest courses

[00:07:08] it's not like

[00:07:10] easy, flat

[00:07:11] there's always tough elements to it

[00:07:13] so yeah it was the one I always wanted

[00:07:14] so that was a big one for me last year

[00:07:16] but it also last year as well

[00:07:18] I managed to get on the overall podium

[00:07:20] at the sprint distance

[00:07:22] and the Olympic distance

[00:07:24] last year as well

[00:07:24] so I was kind of like

[00:07:26] okay 40 my career's not over

[00:07:29] then Perimenopause hit

[00:07:31] and the weekend there was not my best race

[00:07:34] so long time let's just say

[00:07:36] Have you found

[00:07:37] there's been more challenges

[00:07:38] since you've got older?

[00:07:40] You've been doing it for 17 years

[00:07:42] have you apart from the sexism

[00:07:43] that you've encountered

[00:07:45] what's been the biggest challenges

[00:07:47] within your body?

[00:07:49] Oh

[00:07:49] I think as you get older

[00:07:52] the

[00:07:53] your ability to recover

[00:07:55] is much harder

[00:07:57] when I was in my 20s

[00:07:58] I could go and do a sprint distance

[00:08:00] which requires a lot of speed

[00:08:02] I then get up the next day

[00:08:03] and run a half marathon

[00:08:05] or train that night

[00:08:06] just to get some extra miles

[00:08:07] and now I come home

[00:08:08] and I just lie down

[00:08:09] I think the recovery

[00:08:11] especially when I've had to go fast

[00:08:14] I know it sounds mental

[00:08:16] but for me it's easier to do

[00:08:17] a half Ironman

[00:08:18] than it is to do a sprint distance

[00:08:20] because

[00:08:21] in the half Ironman

[00:08:22] although you're doing a lot of miles

[00:08:24] you're not having to go to speed

[00:08:26] you have to go to

[00:08:27] when you do a sprint

[00:08:28] so I think

[00:08:30] definitely the fast stuff

[00:08:31] has become more painful

[00:08:32] Has that been hard for you to accept though?

[00:08:36] Like how are you dealing with that?

[00:08:37] On a day-to-day basis

[00:08:38] shall we say

[00:08:40] Well

[00:08:40] you've got cold

[00:08:42] you just did a race at the weekend there

[00:08:44] and you're talking like

[00:08:45] Phoebe Buffet right now

[00:08:47] or something like that

[00:08:48] and it sounds like you're

[00:08:50] I mean are you

[00:08:52] accepting it?

[00:08:54] No I am

[00:08:55] I am

[00:08:55] I'm realising

[00:08:57] that

[00:08:59] I'm not

[00:08:59] I think that the biggest difference is

[00:09:01] I can have a level of control over my body

[00:09:04] I have a level of control over my train

[00:09:06] and a level of control over my race

[00:09:08] and when I was younger

[00:09:09] you hit perimen of course

[00:09:11] and you have no control

[00:09:13] no control whatsoever

[00:09:14] so I found

[00:09:15] it literally was like I woke up on my 41st birthday

[00:09:19] and my body had just gone mad

[00:09:22] absolutely mad

[00:09:23] Sorry

[00:09:24] It's just

[00:09:25] you know what I'm talking about though right?

[00:09:28] No I don't

[00:09:28] It's my one

[00:09:31] I wish

[00:09:32] I wish

[00:09:32] and it's you know

[00:09:35] I'd been on the depot injection

[00:09:36] since I was a teenager

[00:09:37] because all the problems I have in my period

[00:09:39] so

[00:09:39] all of a sudden I was experienced in periods again

[00:09:42] which is something I've not had to deal with in training

[00:09:44] you know how much more I respect women

[00:09:46] in sport now because

[00:09:51] training and racing with a period

[00:09:52] is horrendous

[00:09:54] absolutely horrendous

[00:09:55] I couldn't imagine it

[00:09:56] I couldn't imagine it

[00:09:57] it's like hands down to those amazing women

[00:10:00] who do that like I just couldn't

[00:10:03] It's absolute warriors

[00:10:05] Superheroes

[00:10:06] They really are

[00:10:07] like my friend Emma Palin Brown

[00:10:09] me and her race together years ago

[00:10:10] when we were both team dealing

[00:10:11] and she's gone on

[00:10:13] being very successful in elite world

[00:10:15] at this sort of half Ironman and Ironman distance

[00:10:17] and she won a really big half Ironman race

[00:10:20] and she had her period during it

[00:10:21] Emma's always struggled with overheating

[00:10:24] so she always wears really light clothing

[00:10:25] and it's like the swimming costume that she wears

[00:10:27] rather than the kind of longer suits

[00:10:29] because she overheats

[00:10:30] and they took a picture of her at the end

[00:10:33] and she'd bled through her suit

[00:10:34] and people were saying

[00:10:36] you know because you're not giving a more

[00:10:38] flattering picture

[00:10:39] and Emma was like what I'm a woman

[00:10:41] I bleed right

[00:10:42] she's like I got up

[00:10:43] and I did a half Ironman

[00:10:44] and I won that race with my period

[00:10:46] I bleed heavily

[00:10:47] I knew there was a chance

[00:10:48] I was going to bleed through my suit

[00:10:49] if that blood was anywhere else on my body

[00:10:51] you wouldn't want to monitor it

[00:10:53] you wouldn't want to censor it

[00:10:54] think how often you see

[00:10:56] bite crashes and stuff

[00:10:57] and you see the blood

[00:10:58] coming out of people's face

[00:10:59] and all the rest

[00:11:00] so what because it's period blood

[00:11:01] it's embarrassing

[00:11:03] and she was like no

[00:11:04] fuck that

[00:11:04] I'm a woman

[00:11:05] I'm a warrior

[00:11:06] I won that race

[00:11:07] with a really heavy period

[00:11:08] I was just like

[00:11:10] well done

[00:11:10] yeah

[00:11:11] well done

[00:11:12] I mean I've just had a reaction going

[00:11:14] oh wow

[00:11:15] but that is because

[00:11:17] that is the first thing

[00:11:17] and I've just

[00:11:18] I've always been taught to shame

[00:11:20] that is our reality

[00:11:21] I'm like oh no

[00:11:22] like obviously

[00:11:23] my

[00:11:25] you know sometimes it happens in the bed

[00:11:27] when you get up and you're so ashamed

[00:11:28] going oh my god I need to do that

[00:11:30] and then

[00:11:30] you know it's like

[00:11:31] it's the first time

[00:11:32] it's ever happened to me

[00:11:33] even though the way I act

[00:11:34] towards it

[00:11:35] and I just did it

[00:11:36] when you told me that story

[00:11:37] and I shouldn't have

[00:11:38] I shouldn't have this reaction

[00:11:40] yeah that's what happens to me every month

[00:11:42] this is not a no

[00:11:42] and it's like

[00:11:44] and we are so conditioned

[00:11:45] what is a mya

[00:11:46] and she just

[00:11:48] owned it

[00:11:49] and was like no

[00:11:49] I'm a woman

[00:11:50] I'm a period

[00:11:51] if that blood had been coming out of my nose

[00:11:52] in my knee

[00:11:53] you wouldn't censor it

[00:11:54] so why would you censor it there

[00:11:55] and I always appreciated that sentiment

[00:11:58] but now that I'm experienced

[00:11:59] in racing with a period

[00:12:01] I'm just like Jesus Christ

[00:12:03] I had underestimated how

[00:12:05] difficult even just training with cramp is

[00:12:09] awful

[00:12:10] one of the things with Perry Menopause as well

[00:12:12] is I get sick constantly

[00:12:13] you can hear it in my voice

[00:12:14] so

[00:12:15] I'd gone through

[00:12:16] I'd done a kind of more low key race

[00:12:19] leading up to this one

[00:12:19] I'd raced pretty well

[00:12:20] was feeling good

[00:12:21] and all the training stats were there

[00:12:23] for this weekend

[00:12:24] and I was thinking

[00:12:25] this is looking great

[00:12:26] and then

[00:12:26] Wednesday

[00:12:27] I could just feel myself getting sick

[00:12:29] I know

[00:12:29] I'm getting sick

[00:12:30] and I know

[00:12:31] I shouldn't be racing

[00:12:32] but there's that part of me that's like

[00:12:33] it's fine

[00:12:34] it's fine

[00:12:34] I'll rock it

[00:12:35] it will be grand

[00:12:36] and then

[00:12:36] I woke up on Saturday morning

[00:12:38] and my throat was on fire

[00:12:39] I'm coughing

[00:12:40] and my pal

[00:12:41] who was him and his wife

[00:12:43] they were racing

[00:12:44] he was racing

[00:12:45] and

[00:12:45] they'd driven me up

[00:12:46] with their wee

[00:12:47] their young

[00:12:48] child

[00:12:49] his 16 month

[00:12:51] and they text me

[00:12:52] they're like

[00:12:52] alright we're downstairs

[00:12:53] you ready to go

[00:12:54] and I'm like

[00:12:54] oh

[00:12:54] can they go and race now

[00:12:56] knowing I shouldn't be doing it

[00:12:57] and knowing

[00:12:58] but that part of me

[00:12:59] that wants to race

[00:13:00] is

[00:13:00] yeah I'll deal with the consequences

[00:13:02] afterwards

[00:13:03] it's

[00:13:03] not having that control anymore

[00:13:05] I work very collaboratively

[00:13:07] with my coach

[00:13:07] I write my training programmes

[00:13:09] and he looks at them

[00:13:10] and then he

[00:13:11] says right

[00:13:11] okay well maybe tweak this

[00:13:12] tweak that

[00:13:13] and what we've found

[00:13:15] in the last year

[00:13:16] is I'm constantly having to change it

[00:13:18] because I can't

[00:13:19] seem to get

[00:13:20] three or four weeks of

[00:13:21] decent training

[00:13:22] because just something goes wrong

[00:13:24] with my body

[00:13:24] now does that make you feel

[00:13:26] those challenges

[00:13:27] happen because you just

[00:13:28] so happen to be

[00:13:31] a woman

[00:13:32] yeah

[00:13:34] it's

[00:13:34] do you know

[00:13:35] sometimes it really pisses me off

[00:13:37] yeah it pisses me off

[00:13:39] I'm sorry and I'd be like

[00:13:40] you know I'd

[00:13:41] I ain't gotta tough moments

[00:13:42] but I'd wallow and go

[00:13:44] do you know what this is not fair

[00:13:45] this is not fair

[00:13:46] I've had enough of this shite

[00:13:48] you know

[00:13:48] you don't know

[00:13:50] listen mate

[00:13:50] I went for a run this morning

[00:13:52] right

[00:13:52] and I'd said to my coach

[00:13:54] right

[00:13:54] I'm gonna

[00:13:54] I'm gonna be sensible

[00:13:56] keeping an eye on my heart rate

[00:13:57] I've got another race in a few weeks

[00:13:58] so I'm not gonna let my heart rate

[00:14:00] go too high

[00:14:00] and I'm looking at my heart rate

[00:14:02] and I'm looking at the shit pace

[00:14:03] I'm running at

[00:14:04] and I'm just like

[00:14:05] I just wanted to sit down and greet

[00:14:07] I was just like

[00:14:07] oh I've taken ten steps backwards

[00:14:10] and I know it'll pass

[00:14:11] but I know I'll be back in this position

[00:14:13] in a few weeks time

[00:14:14] it's difficult

[00:14:15] because I am a control freak

[00:14:17] on every aspect of my life

[00:14:18] but I like to have control

[00:14:19] over my training

[00:14:20] I like to have control

[00:14:21] if things go wrong

[00:14:22] that right with my control

[00:14:23] then that is fine

[00:14:24] but now I feel like

[00:14:25] my body hates me

[00:14:26] and it's

[00:14:27] it's fighting against me

[00:14:29] and I was saying to you earlier

[00:14:31] I went to

[00:14:32] Tri-Scotland

[00:14:33] British Triathlon

[00:14:34] Scottish Athletics

[00:14:36] have been fantastic

[00:14:37] and proactive

[00:14:38] in kind of trying

[00:14:39] to get women talking about menopause

[00:14:41] and petty menopause

[00:14:42] a lot more openly

[00:14:43] I went to a fantastic seminar

[00:14:45] with British Triathlon

[00:14:47] through Triathlon Scotland

[00:14:48] and luckily because I am captain

[00:14:51] at the running club

[00:14:52] I managed to access

[00:14:53] one for

[00:14:55] Scottish Athletics

[00:14:56] although I think it's open now

[00:14:57] for anyone who wants to

[00:14:59] to do it anyone who is coaching

[00:15:00] or things like that

[00:15:01] and see

[00:15:03] just speaking to other people

[00:15:04] that are going through the same things

[00:15:05] and realising it's not just me

[00:15:07] and what we were talking about before

[00:15:09] we've been

[00:15:11] socialised into being ashamed

[00:15:12] of these things

[00:15:13] and hiding them away

[00:15:14] and not talking about them

[00:15:16] I've got a lot of friends

[00:15:17] who are a bit older than me

[00:15:19] who have gone through this

[00:15:20] and I've tried to speak to them

[00:15:22] and I've tried to land an ear

[00:15:23] but I think sometimes

[00:15:24] until you start experiencing it

[00:15:25] in your own body

[00:15:27] it's very difficult

[00:15:28] to really understand

[00:15:29] what the other person's going through

[00:15:31] but see being in that forum

[00:15:32] and speaking to other women

[00:15:33] about their experiences

[00:15:35] and realising I'm not just going mad

[00:15:38] and it's not just my body

[00:15:39] that hates me

[00:15:40] that everybody's body

[00:15:41] hates you for a period of time

[00:15:43] and there was this one woman

[00:15:45] I think it was a Triathlon

[00:15:46] one that was in her 60s

[00:15:48] and she was like

[00:15:48] look guys

[00:15:49] I'm not gonna lie to you

[00:15:50] it's gonna be shit for a few years right

[00:15:52] but what would make it worse

[00:15:54] yeah like cheers

[00:15:56] she says

[00:15:57] but what would make it worse

[00:15:57] is if you gave up

[00:15:58] see if you weren't exercising

[00:16:00] see if you weren't doing this stuff

[00:16:02] the effect on your body

[00:16:05] would be 10 times worse

[00:16:06] she says I'm 60 now

[00:16:08] and I'm in a good place

[00:16:09] I feel great

[00:16:10] I'm so confident

[00:16:11] I'm racing well again

[00:16:13] and I know that might seem

[00:16:15] like a long way away

[00:16:16] but if you persevere now

[00:16:18] and you do the things now

[00:16:20] then that's gonna make

[00:16:21] the kind of difference

[00:16:22] in the long run

[00:16:23] so one of the big things

[00:16:25] I'm dead lucky again

[00:16:26] my fizzy with always a 30 year old guy

[00:16:28] is fantastic

[00:16:29] and really on the ball

[00:16:31] when it comes to looking at women's menstrual cycles

[00:16:33] looking at training

[00:16:34] throughout the lifespan and things

[00:16:36] and so he's had me lifting

[00:16:37] really heavy weights

[00:16:38] for the last couple of years

[00:16:40] to kind of fend off some of the effects

[00:16:42] and that seems to be a big one

[00:16:45] as doing the heavy weight lifting

[00:16:47] and I hate it

[00:16:48] I'm not a be in the gym

[00:16:49] lifting weights kind of galad

[00:16:51] I'd rather go and do a half Ironman

[00:16:53] and do five minutes of weight

[00:16:54] but it does seem to be helping

[00:16:56] for the long run

[00:16:57] yeah because one of the biggest things

[00:16:59] I think with Penny Menopause

[00:17:00] that affects women is muscle soreness

[00:17:03] and muscle mass and stuff

[00:17:04] yeah so your muscle mass

[00:17:05] so if you think about

[00:17:07] the way your body position is in the water

[00:17:09] is quite often impacted

[00:17:11] by your body mass index

[00:17:12] if you have more fat

[00:17:14] then it makes you float more

[00:17:15] right so if you lose my weight

[00:17:17] oh so you've not got much control then

[00:17:19] ah right okay

[00:17:20] I was speaking to a woman

[00:17:21] who said that she's gone

[00:17:23] so now instead of

[00:17:24] so you should really kind of sit in this position

[00:17:26] but now she's gone like this

[00:17:27] so her feet keep coming well out of the water

[00:17:29] because

[00:17:30] she says I've put so much weight on my butt

[00:17:32] that all my feet keep coming out of the water

[00:17:35] that's a shame

[00:17:36] that's a shame

[00:17:37] it was really nice to kind of

[00:17:38] speak to other women

[00:17:39] and hear their experiences

[00:17:42] and go I hope that doesn't happen to me

[00:17:44] that must be a great influence as well

[00:17:46] and obviously

[00:17:48] not many women getting into it

[00:17:50] initially

[00:17:50] and then coming out of it really quickly

[00:17:53] because of all

[00:17:54] yeah

[00:17:55] yeah not definitely

[00:17:57] I mean I remember

[00:17:58] hate and swimming when I was a

[00:18:00] teenager because of my period

[00:18:01] I remember

[00:18:02] not wanting to go to swimming

[00:18:03] not wanting to use a tampon

[00:18:05] being worried about bleeding

[00:18:06] on poolside

[00:18:07] things like that

[00:18:09] and I do think

[00:18:10] part of the problem is that

[00:18:11] we don't talk about these things

[00:18:13] and it is

[00:18:14] hushed

[00:18:15] and it is shamed

[00:18:16] and again

[00:18:17] the difference I've noticed with this sort of younger generation

[00:18:19] at 18, 19 year old women

[00:18:20] that I swim with a few of them now

[00:18:22] and they do talk about these things

[00:18:24] and they are much more open

[00:18:25] and that's fantastic

[00:18:26] which I love

[00:18:27] yeah

[00:18:27] some mornings where I'm just like

[00:18:29] oh fuck off body

[00:18:30] not today

[00:18:31] I hate you

[00:18:32] I hate me

[00:18:33] but yeah

[00:18:34] I think you've just got to kind of

[00:18:36] even I mean

[00:18:37] even I came back from that race disappointed

[00:18:39] on Saturday

[00:18:40] I maybe had

[00:18:42] an unrealistic expectation

[00:18:44] of what my body

[00:18:46] could do despite being sick

[00:18:47] but if I was in sick

[00:18:48] I don't know

[00:18:49] but again that's the thing which I have on

[00:18:51] there's always the ifs

[00:18:52] what ifs

[00:18:53] but

[00:18:55] this is going to sound like a told pick

[00:18:56] but I still won the Scottish title of my category

[00:18:59] five, six years ago

[00:19:00] I'd be like

[00:19:00] I just won the Scottish title of my category

[00:19:02] and then

[00:19:03] it was almost like

[00:19:04] I had a really good year of racing

[00:19:06] and I was like

[00:19:07] yeah age is not going to get to me

[00:19:09] I'm fine

[00:19:10] and then this year

[00:19:12] I've gone

[00:19:12] no age has got to me

[00:19:13] because I've gone from being on the overall podium

[00:19:15] to being ninth overall

[00:19:16] and it's that realisation

[00:19:18] that okay yeah

[00:19:20] I'm still a good 40 year old

[00:19:22] but I'm not a teenager anymore

[00:19:24] I think it's that it's out with my control thing

[00:19:27] if it was because I wasn't chaining hard enough

[00:19:29] or I wasn't doing the right things

[00:19:31] I'd be like

[00:19:31] my bad

[00:19:32] is because your body's doing it to you

[00:19:35] you're just like come on

[00:19:36] because you're doing everything right

[00:19:40] exactly

[00:19:41] exactly

[00:19:41] and you're not getting the outcome

[00:19:43] really not fair

[00:19:44] no

[00:19:45] and then what I'm just going to have to learn is

[00:19:47] to deal with that frustration

[00:19:48] I can't fight against it

[00:19:50] so I can do everything I can do

[00:19:51] take the magnesium

[00:19:52] do the supplements

[00:19:53] up my protein

[00:19:54] lift the weights

[00:19:56] do the things I can do

[00:19:57] and try and protect myself that way

[00:19:58] everything else is out with my control

[00:20:00] so control the controllables

[00:20:02] and try not get too pissed off

[00:20:04] this stuff I can't control

[00:20:06] I wish you all the best

[00:20:08] honestly

[00:20:08] you're doing amazing

[00:20:09] you've achieved so much

[00:20:11] in your career

[00:20:12] your inspiration

[00:20:13] what you just said

[00:20:14] a big thank you for coming on this podcast

[00:20:17] first day has been amazing to talk to

[00:20:20] last thing

[00:20:21] I ask everybody at the end of each episode is

[00:20:24] do you have a quote that you live by?

[00:20:27] I did think about this

[00:20:28] the only thing I say regularly is

[00:20:30] just let's do this shit

[00:20:31] that is the thing that sums me up

[00:20:33] I've got a really good friend that I race with

[00:20:35] Debs

[00:20:35] and every time before we race

[00:20:37] I just turn to her

[00:20:38] and go let's do this shit

[00:20:40] I love it

[00:20:42] I think I get that from my dad

[00:20:43] just like

[00:20:45] alright well let's just do it

[00:20:46] and see what happens

[00:20:47] do you know what I mean

[00:20:47] it's just like yeah let's just do this shit

[00:20:49] at the end of the day

[00:20:50] what happens happens

[00:20:52] so I think

[00:20:53] I never stole it from anyone

[00:20:54] maybe I did

[00:20:55] I don't know maybe I heard it

[00:20:56] from someone and stole it

[00:20:57] but it's definitely the only thing

[00:20:59] that I say regularly

[00:21:00] although I did get into trouble at work

[00:21:02] when my students were going in for an exam

[00:21:04] I was like come on guys

[00:21:05] let's do this shit

[00:21:06] and my master's like

[00:21:08] I see

[00:21:09] you can't swear at me

[00:21:10] yeah bad teacher did that at me

[00:21:12] you're the boss

[00:21:13] come on come on

[00:21:16] yeah I definitely just let's do this shit

[00:21:18] and can I also say to you

[00:21:20] like I'm so proud of you

[00:21:21] and thank you for providing this forum

[00:21:23] for women as well

[00:21:24] because we don't

[00:21:26] get celebrated as much as we should

[00:21:28] and we don't talk about women's things

[00:21:29] as much as we should

[00:21:30] and not only

[00:21:31] that that's going to change

[00:21:32] is by people like you

[00:21:33] doing these kinds of things

[00:21:34] so thank you to you

[00:21:36] for having this podcast as well

[00:21:37] thank you that's really kind

[00:21:39] I think we should

[00:21:41] as women we should be supporting each other

[00:21:44] always

[00:21:44] and not against each other

[00:21:46] yeah definitely

[00:21:47] no matter what is

[00:21:49] each one of us has got a story

[00:21:50] that we can learn from

[00:21:52] and one thing I'm going to take away from this

[00:21:56] is no matter

[00:21:57] how hard it's getting

[00:21:59] I understand what you're going through

[00:22:00] but we just don't talk about it

[00:22:01] yeah exactly

[00:22:03] exactly

[00:22:03] we all need to keep talking

[00:22:05] and keeping the subject matters alive

[00:22:07] all the time rather than just generalising it

[00:22:10] yeah definitely

[00:22:11] when it's women

[00:22:12] was how much more would we know about it

[00:22:14] do you know what I mean

[00:22:15] oh it would

[00:22:17] it would have days off

[00:22:18] you know

[00:22:19] there would be special holidays

[00:22:22] suppose that someone said on a podcast as well

[00:22:25] if men had to take first control of your ability

[00:22:27] and get them freely in Starbucks

[00:22:29] they'd be bending machines just yeah

[00:22:32] I don't think so as well

[00:22:33] the next generation of men are so much better

[00:22:35] like it's one of the gifts has been a lecturer

[00:22:39] and also as I say training a students gym

[00:22:43] the next generation I've got so much hope for them

[00:22:45] and they're just

[00:22:46] there's so much more in touch with their emotions

[00:22:49] they're more they're just

[00:22:50] there's so many good men there

[00:22:53] that really appreciate women really respect women

[00:22:56] and I think some of that has come from

[00:22:57] the last generation of men who've passed that down as well

[00:23:00] and the kind of the shift

[00:23:02] but we need to keep pushing that shift

[00:23:03] yeah definitely

[00:23:04] thank you so much Kirsty

[00:23:06] I could chat to you all day

[00:23:08] good luck in your future races

[00:23:11] and just keep doing that shift man

[00:23:14] but thank you so much

[00:23:16] you know Maison

[00:23:16] thank you for taking your time

[00:23:18] very inspiring

[00:23:18] thank you so much

[00:23:20] good luck for the post code

[00:23:22] good luck

[00:23:26] I'm not moving I don't think

[00:23:31] we once were women

[00:23:32] we once were women

[00:23:33] we were women

[00:23:34] it was lovely seeing you again my love okay

[00:23:37] take care get well soon

[00:23:39] bye

[00:23:40] bye

[00:23:40] thank you

[00:23:42] next time on Scotland's women

[00:23:45] you've got an intuition

[00:23:46] you have got one

[00:23:48] if it's shrieking

[00:23:49] and it's telling you something's wrong

[00:23:52] something is wrong

[00:23:54] if it's telling you something is off

[00:23:57] something is off

[00:23:58] listen to your body

[00:24:00] if you don't have the thoughts

[00:24:01] and you can't make out what your thoughts are

[00:24:03] listen to your body right

[00:24:05] because your body of ranging

[00:24:07] be so flippin' confused in these situations

[00:24:09] it's horrific listen to your body

[00:24:11] it'll tell you the answer

[00:24:13] and if you don't trust it

[00:24:14] reach out to a service

[00:24:16] somebody like me or a profession

[00:24:18] just reach out to somebody

[00:24:20] that knows the subject

[00:24:21] and tell you that

[00:24:22] because nobody understands the subject

[00:24:24] and people don't think it's as bad

[00:24:25] as what I'm describing it

[00:24:28] oh it's bad

[00:24:29] it's bad

[00:24:30] it's the worst thing ever to go through

[00:24:32] narcissistic abuse

[00:24:33] and emotional abuse

[00:24:34] psychological abuse

[00:24:35] worse thing ever

[00:24:36] people don't think it's as bad

[00:24:37] as physical abuse

[00:24:38] fucking right it is

[00:24:39] in fact emotional abuse

[00:24:41] is a common stone

[00:24:42] but all abuse

[00:24:43] it has to be crescent

[00:24:44] or any abuse

[00:24:45] to be there so

[00:24:47] listen to your body is what I'd say

[00:24:49] and reach out for help

[00:24:50] speak to someone outside that circle

[00:24:53] somebody will listen

[00:24:54] I promise you

[00:24:55] we exist

[00:24:57] thank you for listening to

[00:24:59] Scotland's Women

[00:25:00] we would love to hear from you

[00:25:01] so please visit the website

[00:25:03] at scotlandswomen.com

[00:25:05] as every Scotland's women

[00:25:06] has a story to tell

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