Change Can Happen

[00:00:03] Hi and welcome to Scotland's Women. Throughout the podcast we'll be listening to women from all over Scotland tell their stories

[00:00:12] These amazing women will be sharing their life experiences, their perspectives as well as providing us with advice and inspiration

[00:00:22] Let's support each other as Scotland's Women and be the real influencers in our lives

[00:00:27] Because each and every one of you Scotland's women out there has a story to tell

[00:00:32] There's more to life

[00:00:34] We all have a purpose or we can all strike for something

[00:00:38] We all have things that we enjoy in life or that we're passionate about

[00:00:43] And we should be going for them and we should be doing them

[00:00:45] Be the change that you wish to see

[00:00:48] Be limitless in your thoughts, be aggressive about your own growth

[00:00:53] Your own growth is your prerogative

[00:00:56] Only you can do it

[00:00:58] Women stand in their own power. We don't need to look for that validation to say I'm worse

[00:01:02] I don't need you to tell me I've done a good job to feel good believing in ourselves

[00:01:07] As women it doesn't matter your white, brown or black

[00:01:10] We can do all these amazing great things

[00:01:14] Lands for other women we need to encourage them

[00:01:18] Support and inspire each other that we are worth so much more

[00:01:21] You don't need to settle

[00:01:23] Just more women to be more confident

[00:01:25] Believing themselves and to love themselves and accept themselves and know how amazing they are

[00:01:30] Scotland's women, our lives, our stories

[00:01:33] Now let's get on with the show

[00:01:51] Oreo, thank you for coming on to Scotland Women

[00:01:54] Thank you for having me, yeah, thanks for having me along, I'm excited

[00:01:58] Thank you so much for doing this, I really appreciate it

[00:02:00] You are an expert in this

[00:02:03] And I was just, what dying to talk to you

[00:02:06] How we as women can change our mindset and focus on looking after ourselves

[00:02:11] Can I ask like how you got into this in the first place?

[00:02:14] Got into it originally for my own self-help

[00:02:18] I first did a course in NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming

[00:02:23] And I started to understand and realise power of understanding our mindset better

[00:02:28] And what we could do with it to heal ourselves

[00:02:31] I had experience of the channeled, there's been a lot of addiction in the house

[00:02:36] Really quite chaotic childhood and lots of mental illness with mum

[00:02:40] And for me I had a lot of stuff lingering from all of that

[00:02:44] So I had a lot of stuff going on, I didn't know how to deal with it

[00:02:48] I'd had some kind of slang, I'd had a couple of other various forms of

[00:02:53] Stuff like CBT and find it didn't really help

[00:02:55] And I was still quite anxious and quite just messed up in the head feeling

[00:03:00] So I decided to try NLP completely for myself

[00:03:05] So I went in with like the most skeptical mind ever

[00:03:08] And had massive shifts and feelings through that

[00:03:12] Went on and did what's more subsequent training

[00:03:15] In NLP and then in hypnotherapy and then a few other kind of other things since then

[00:03:21] So it all started with just trying to figure my own head out, to be honest

[00:03:26] So how old were you at this point?

[00:03:30] It was after uni maybe

[00:03:34] I think it was around 2008, 2007

[00:03:38] I think I'd gone to uni and then I'd come out and I'd lived down Medanbrad

[00:03:42] Was happy enough but I was definitely going through cycles in my own head

[00:03:47] Like I've recognised much more now it was anxiety

[00:03:51] But I didn't really know what was up or what was wrong

[00:03:54] I'd go through times of being okay

[00:03:57] I was thinking I was okay and then getting really overwhelmed, getting really really low

[00:04:01] Just not knowing how to figure out if anything that was going on in my head

[00:04:05] I was re-routing what the stuff from childhood still had ongoing relationship

[00:04:09] With my mum who still has addiction and mental health illness

[00:04:13] So and it was really challenging to deal with someone with that

[00:04:16] So I'd really not create boundaries

[00:04:18] It was just a really difficult relationship and I just didn't know how to deal with it also

[00:04:23] It didn't get any better as I got older

[00:04:25] But I just kind of got really tired of going through the cycle of being okay

[00:04:30] Then feeling down and then feeling like I was managing again

[00:04:34] So that's what ended up getting me

[00:04:36] Since 27 you're older so you must have had this coping mechanism for a while

[00:04:41] I think coping mechanism I've had so then were not always healthy

[00:04:45] Like I didn't have issues with alcohol in the sense that I drank daily or anything

[00:04:51] But I would go out and get black eyed drunk like binge drinking at the weekend

[00:04:56] And I wouldn't remember it

[00:04:57] I'd probably end up doing pretty risky behaviour because I just didn't have that self-worth feeling going on there

[00:05:03] Because I don't know how because everything's gone on in my head

[00:05:06] And just when it feels something's okay, something else will go wrong

[00:05:09] And when you have a parent that has addiction or mental illness

[00:05:12] It's really like difficult relationships

[00:05:16] You have to have really good boundaries and stuff

[00:05:17] Which I mean nothing about until I did all of this kind of stuff

[00:05:20] And just seeing them processing like that childhood trauma

[00:05:24] Like I don't think it's something that would still felt quite subun

[00:05:28] It felt like I was just sitting in a place of being a victim

[00:05:30] Because I was going over it so much in my head

[00:05:32] So I don't like talking about it constantly

[00:05:34] I wasn't ever, I never hid it away

[00:05:35] But I felt like I didn't want to be mourning about it all the time

[00:05:37] But it just felt like there was just something was holding back my happiness

[00:05:41] I was definitely going to feel like and I was having fun time

[00:05:44] But it felt like I just wasn't, I wasn't the cuss of happiness

[00:05:47] But wasn't kind of there

[00:05:48] So it was definitely stealing my joy

[00:05:50] It was definitely impacting me in that way

[00:05:52] And just when it was getting overwhelming

[00:05:54] Like I could, I was high functioning in the sense that like I could work

[00:05:58] I was having jobs, I was doing well in the job that I was doing

[00:06:01] But yeah, just not then coping that well

[00:06:05] I would get to the point where everything was overwhelming

[00:06:07] I'd take a few days off sick or even up to a week

[00:06:10] But I just couldn't like it got too much for a few days at a time

[00:06:13] And then I would just want to be at home on my own

[00:06:15] Or with my partner the whole time

[00:06:17] And that cycle is becoming more frequent

[00:06:20] And I was like, well, it shouldn't be this difficult

[00:06:22] There must be an easier way to this

[00:06:23] And I didn't just think that you should go do life forever

[00:06:28] Having that so it's kind of like, well, there must be an easier way

[00:06:30] And I wasn't the maddest fan of counselling and just talking about things

[00:06:34] Over and over again, because I didn't feel for me personally

[00:06:37] That resolved that much in my head

[00:06:38] And what else had been referred to previously

[00:06:40] Didn't make it over it or let go of things

[00:06:43] I just couldn't accept the past and that hurt and managed that relationship

[00:06:47] And I think I got told by one of the counsellors

[00:06:50] Just aimed at not having a relationship with mum

[00:06:53] And I was like, well, I didn't want that

[00:06:54] I actually wanted to find

[00:06:55] I did believe there could be a way that I could have both kind of thing

[00:06:59] But be able to manage it healthy

[00:07:00] So yeah, it was affecting me like that

[00:07:02] It was definitely getting to the point where it was getting me more and more down

[00:07:06] And just it felt like I was in a hamster wheel in my head

[00:07:09] With all the emotion going through and through

[00:07:11] And I could boast it exit properly

[00:07:13] And then that would get overwhelming

[00:07:15] And that was becoming more frequent

[00:07:17] So I guess I was high functioning on the outside but on the inside

[00:07:21] Yeah, it just felt like crap basically

[00:07:23] And there's quite a lot of turmoil on the inside

[00:07:24] I think for me it was there must be an easier way to lie

[00:07:27] This doesn't it just felt like it didn't need to be that hard

[00:07:29] I can do something about this

[00:07:31] So that's why I started exploring

[00:07:33] I had seen a session for NLP to like a one-to-one session to do

[00:07:36] And thought that sounds amazing

[00:07:38] I tried NLP, it's about how you're mind and your programming works

[00:07:43] But because you can't see the hard evidence of it

[00:07:45] Because it's in there, I'm kind of like

[00:07:46] You know, is this crap or not

[00:07:50] And then I went through it and I had amazing experience

[00:07:53] We did this bit of timeline work where you look at your own personal timelines

[00:07:56] And I did an activity with the instructor

[00:08:00] She took me through that

[00:08:02] Because I was so skeptical and like

[00:08:03] I don't even want to do this with just another delegate

[00:08:06] Which was so bad of me

[00:08:08] But I did it with her and I just had this unbelievable experience

[00:08:11] It was such this massive shift

[00:08:13] I literally felt like this huge thud of something had just been lifted or released from me

[00:08:19] Physically I could feel a shift

[00:08:21] And it was just mental

[00:08:22] And I was still like the next couple of days

[00:08:23] I'm like that can't be right

[00:08:25] What was going on there

[00:08:26] But I just noticed I just

[00:08:28] I was thinking about things differently

[00:08:29] The story that I'd been running my head for so, so long

[00:08:32] About the childhood, the hurt, the everything

[00:08:36] Was then very much like

[00:08:38] That is just a story to me

[00:08:40] It's like I'd released the emotional attachment that I've held to

[00:08:44] So I could

[00:08:45] You know, read that chapter of my life

[00:08:47] But not have any emotional attachment to it

[00:08:49] This is the facts of what happened

[00:08:50] So I wasn't attached to it

[00:08:52] With all the emotion that I once had

[00:08:54] It was really, really great

[00:08:56] And that for me

[00:08:58] I had to experience that before I could believe it

[00:09:00] So I went through that

[00:09:01] I had that experience

[00:09:03] And then I was like amazing

[00:09:05] That changed everything for me

[00:09:06] Shit

[00:09:07] Physically, emotionally, mentally

[00:09:09] It just changed everything

[00:09:10] And that's what started me on

[00:09:12] Learning all these other things

[00:09:13] Like NNLP and hypnotherapy and

[00:09:16] Principles coaching, positive ecology

[00:09:18] Once you understand your mind

[00:09:19] The power you can have yourself

[00:09:22] To change your life is phenomenal

[00:09:24] It's all around understanding

[00:09:27] How your mind works

[00:09:29] To help you process it

[00:09:30] Because I think again

[00:09:31] But something we're not taught

[00:09:32] Anywhere we're not taught

[00:09:33] How to understand ourselves

[00:09:35] How to...

[00:09:37] How to let go of things

[00:09:39] How to forgive, accept

[00:09:40] Tap healthy by and change

[00:09:41] So, yeah

[00:09:43] I think that's what's been amazing about all of that

[00:09:46] Amazing

[00:09:47] And did all of that help

[00:09:50] You know, shift your relationship with your mum?

[00:09:54] Mum had an addiction

[00:09:55] And mental health issues

[00:09:59] It always felt like it was a little reversal

[00:10:01] Like I kind of always felt

[00:10:02] I was the parent

[00:10:03] Maybe when I was much younger

[00:10:05] Because she didn't always have the issue

[00:10:07] The way that she did when it came out

[00:10:08] More in my team and stuff

[00:10:09] But it didn't feel like parents

[00:10:11] In the typical parent context

[00:10:12] It didn't feel like I could rely on them

[00:10:15] The way that probably other people's relationships

[00:10:17] To their parents were

[00:10:18] We always spoke to each other very differently

[00:10:20] I was one, like...

[00:10:22] Yeah, it was always a bit of a reversal

[00:10:24] Parent-child with that relationship

[00:10:26] But it was more just putting healthy boundaries in place

[00:10:28] Like I didn't understand addiction

[00:10:30] And then how I do now

[00:10:32] I used to think of her as always

[00:10:34] Fusing alcohol over me

[00:10:37] And my sister and the family

[00:10:39] But now I think of it very quite differently

[00:10:41] I think now I look at these things

[00:10:43] With a lot more compassion

[00:10:44] I've done the Bormati training

[00:10:46] And that really has got some amazing stuff

[00:10:48] Around addiction as well

[00:10:49] And really looking at, well

[00:10:51] What's happened to you

[00:10:52] If the alcohol is really just

[00:10:53] Or any addiction

[00:10:55] Probably being worth a symptom

[00:10:57] What's going on there

[00:10:57] Not somebody's personal choice

[00:10:59] Being able to have that space

[00:11:01] By helping, calming

[00:11:02] Letting the stuff in my head settle

[00:11:03] And finding a way to process that

[00:11:05] Then helped me

[00:11:06] Find some space to go

[00:11:08] Understand addiction

[00:11:09] In a slightly different context

[00:11:11] Which then has helped with my healing

[00:11:12] Because I think I couldn't have done that

[00:11:13] While in that headspace

[00:11:15] That I was originally in

[00:11:16] So...

[00:11:17] Yeah, been quite a long journey

[00:11:19] What made you

[00:11:21] Go into business

[00:11:22] And start coaching?

[00:11:24] Yeah, probably

[00:11:26] Blind-optimism

[00:11:27] I'm going to be honest

[00:11:28] I think I'd had such

[00:11:30] An amazing experience with

[00:11:32] What I'd learned

[00:11:33] Personally

[00:11:35] That I had this real passion

[00:11:36] To then share it with others

[00:11:37] Particularly around addiction

[00:11:39] Which is funny

[00:11:40] It's not what I then best like

[00:11:42] But I will explain that

[00:11:43] I think

[00:11:44] Life doesn't need to be as hard

[00:11:46] As we think it is

[00:11:47] I really believe that

[00:11:48] We are not taught enough

[00:11:50] We're not shown enough

[00:11:51] How to live happier

[00:11:52] I mean, some people live really happy

[00:11:53] And if you do, amazing

[00:11:55] But I think people who go through

[00:11:56] Any kind of like

[00:11:58] Trauma or chaos

[00:11:59] Or challenges

[00:12:00] When they're

[00:12:01] At any point in their life

[00:12:02] I don't think all that helps

[00:12:03] Available

[00:12:04] And I think for me

[00:12:06] I had such a shift

[00:12:07] That I was like

[00:12:07] I just want to share this

[00:12:08] With other people

[00:12:09] It's just

[00:12:09] Life doesn't need to be

[00:12:10] That difficult anymore

[00:12:11] And having

[00:12:12] Well, let go of the attachment

[00:12:14] That I had to so much

[00:12:16] For so many years

[00:12:17] Because I was late 20

[00:12:18] I just thought

[00:12:19] Nice, this would be so amazing

[00:12:20] To share this with other people

[00:12:21] So

[00:12:22] That started me

[00:12:23] To get the business up and running

[00:12:25] I really wanted to

[00:12:25] Coach other people to help them

[00:12:27] With that kind of stuff

[00:12:28] And if they've

[00:12:29] Gone through something similar

[00:12:30] How they could help with that

[00:12:32] And it's mainly

[00:12:33] Women and children

[00:12:34] I work with

[00:12:35] Like I'm really drawn

[00:12:36] To working with women

[00:12:38] I just feel

[00:12:39] Particularly

[00:12:41] Since having children

[00:12:42] I'm much more passionate

[00:12:43] I noticed myself

[00:12:44] Help when I had

[00:12:45] I've got two children

[00:12:46] Open, I had my first child

[00:12:47] And my second

[00:12:49] But it felt like a huge

[00:12:50] Identity shift

[00:12:51] And I think that was

[00:12:52] Something that I really

[00:12:52] Struggled with for a while

[00:12:53] As well

[00:12:54] Like letting go of an older

[00:12:55] Lifestyle of

[00:12:56] Carefree responsibility

[00:12:57] But I could go up and do it

[00:12:58] But then I wanted to

[00:13:00] Keep it up with them

[00:13:00] And didn't have children

[00:13:02] And then the shift into

[00:13:04] To being a pedant

[00:13:05] And losing your identity

[00:13:07] Slightly for the first few years

[00:13:08] When you're all consuming

[00:13:10] With these tiny, tiny humans

[00:13:12] And that was really

[00:13:14] A huge identity shift

[00:13:16] For me

[00:13:16] And again

[00:13:17] That made me more passionate

[00:13:18] About helping share that

[00:13:19] With women and going

[00:13:20] Here's an easier way

[00:13:21] To get your identity

[00:13:22] Feel yourself again

[00:13:23] Feel back into that

[00:13:24] And I also think

[00:13:27] That we as women

[00:13:29] Particularly mums

[00:13:30] But women in general

[00:13:31] I think we do

[00:13:32] Juggle a lot more

[00:13:33] In society

[00:13:34] There's a lot of pressure

[00:13:35] Put on a society

[00:13:36] To look certain ways

[00:13:38] Act certain ways

[00:13:39] Talk certain ways

[00:13:40] And then when you have

[00:13:41] Children there's then

[00:13:42] An expectation that you work

[00:13:43] That you're an excellent mother

[00:13:44] That you juggle things

[00:13:45] That you still have a social life

[00:13:47] That you do and you're just like

[00:13:48] Where the hell is all the time for this?

[00:13:50] If you're trying to

[00:13:51] Work two stuff as well

[00:13:52] I just think

[00:13:53] Oh, but how do women

[00:13:54] Manage?

[00:13:54] So I think that gave me

[00:13:55] Even more of a passion

[00:13:56] To work with women

[00:13:57] So I think we have so much

[00:13:58] And then we carry the responsibility

[00:14:00] Of trying to make her

[00:14:01] True to our children are happy

[00:14:03] And well adjusted

[00:14:04] And the amount of women

[00:14:05] I work with

[00:14:06] That our mums are like

[00:14:08] Oh, I'm scared of passing

[00:14:09] All my anxiety to my kid

[00:14:10] Or you know

[00:14:11] And I'm kind of like

[00:14:12] Oh, don't you know

[00:14:13] So I do feel really

[00:14:14] Much more drawn to work

[00:14:15] With women

[00:14:16] I think it's important

[00:14:17] That women can empower

[00:14:18] Another woman

[00:14:19] This and exactly this

[00:14:20] Like to help us

[00:14:22] Definitely

[00:14:23] You know, the easiest

[00:14:24] We based like we can be

[00:14:25] And I think with children

[00:14:27] And young people as well

[00:14:28] So I do some other work

[00:14:30] That it derives

[00:14:32] With the youth work

[00:14:32] Organisations supporting

[00:14:34] Youth work

[00:14:34] And I've been working

[00:14:35] In the youth work field

[00:14:36] For quite a few years

[00:14:36] And I'm really passionate

[00:14:37] About young people

[00:14:39] And young people's voices

[00:14:40] As well helping

[00:14:41] Young people understand

[00:14:43] This same thing as well

[00:14:44] So it's not around

[00:14:44] Controlling your mind

[00:14:46] For me

[00:14:48] It's very much

[00:14:48] What around understanding

[00:14:49] How your mind works

[00:14:50] So I think

[00:14:51] Where it's a knowledge

[00:14:52] We're not given

[00:14:52] So if women can understand

[00:14:54] Themselves better

[00:14:55] Then they can

[00:14:56] Shelt process

[00:14:57] Whatever they need to process

[00:14:59] Why is it so important

[00:15:00] For women to take care

[00:15:02] Of their mindset

[00:15:03] And have self-care?

[00:15:04] I think for me

[00:15:05] Your mental health

[00:15:06] Our mental health

[00:15:07] Everyone's mental health

[00:15:08] Everything as important

[00:15:09] As their physical health

[00:15:10] And I think it's an area

[00:15:11] That has not been addressed

[00:15:14] For as long as we can remember

[00:15:16] We've not about

[00:15:17] Physical health

[00:15:18] And looking after ourselves

[00:15:19] And BMI's

[00:15:20] And 10,000 steps

[00:15:21] And 5,000 veg

[00:15:22] All these other stuff

[00:15:23] For so long

[00:15:24] But I think mental health

[00:15:25] Something that's been

[00:15:26] Chaboo for a long time

[00:15:28] And when people talk

[00:15:29] About mental health

[00:15:30] What they're generally

[00:15:31] Referred into

[00:15:32] Is actually mental illness

[00:15:33] Because you know

[00:15:34] It's firmly

[00:15:34] If someone says

[00:15:35] Mental health

[00:15:35] You're thinking

[00:15:36] As I interject

[00:15:36] Where it's actually

[00:15:38] What is it like

[00:15:38] To be in a state of mental

[00:15:39] Health

[00:15:40] You know

[00:15:41] Even the language

[00:15:41] I feel is

[00:15:42] A little bit flip

[00:15:43] So I think

[00:15:44] Mental health

[00:15:45] Is massively important

[00:15:47] It's an area

[00:15:48] We're not bought by

[00:15:50] And I think

[00:15:51] It then gets kind of blurred

[00:15:53] We all have well-being

[00:15:54] Inside of us

[00:15:55] No matter what

[00:15:56] That I believe

[00:15:57] We've always got that in us

[00:15:58] So I don't believe

[00:15:58] We can ever be broken

[00:16:00] So there's nothing to fix

[00:16:01] But it's how that can be

[00:16:03] Clouded over

[00:16:03] With all of the stuff

[00:16:04] That's gone on in our head

[00:16:05] And how we can

[00:16:06] Allow that to settle

[00:16:08] And slow down

[00:16:09] To be able to

[00:16:10] Access that well-being

[00:16:10] Because I still believe

[00:16:11] It's in all of us

[00:16:12] So I think it's around

[00:16:14] Just teaching us

[00:16:15] What we should have known

[00:16:15] For anybody to have

[00:16:16] A balanced life

[00:16:17] It's a mental and a physical health

[00:16:19] It's not one or the other

[00:16:21] And I think that's where we

[00:16:22] Gone wrong

[00:16:23] And there's lots of medical evidence

[00:16:25] Now around how much

[00:16:27] Physical illness is linked

[00:16:28] With the mental as well

[00:16:30] So actually why

[00:16:30] Is there not more focus

[00:16:32] And more understanding

[00:16:33] Than put on

[00:16:33] Helping us understand that

[00:16:35] And we shouldn't wait till it gets

[00:16:36] To the point of

[00:16:37] You feeling that you're not

[00:16:38] Coping in some way

[00:16:40] Before

[00:16:41] We get told

[00:16:42] And taught about that

[00:16:43] Like people say self-care

[00:16:44] And they think

[00:16:45] We're taking a hot bath

[00:16:46] Or something

[00:16:46] And I think it's so much

[00:16:47] More than that

[00:16:48] I think

[00:16:48] It appears in the context

[00:16:50] Of the rules and stuff

[00:16:51] Yeah

[00:16:52] What is self-care to you, Oreo?

[00:16:54] I think self-care

[00:16:55] Is to take meat in your own needs

[00:16:58] However that is

[00:16:59] So it was Michael

[00:17:01] This guy Michael Neal

[00:17:02] Who's written in one of his books

[00:17:03] The most self-less thing

[00:17:05] You can do is

[00:17:06] Be selfish with your self-care

[00:17:08] And I was like

[00:17:09] That's brilliant

[00:17:10] Because actually

[00:17:11] Particularly as women

[00:17:12] We'd probably put ourselves

[00:17:13] Bottom of the list

[00:17:14] Especially if you have other

[00:17:15] People that are body-sized

[00:17:16] Like children

[00:17:17] Or people you care for

[00:17:18] Or you put yourself

[00:17:19] Bottom of the list

[00:17:20] But actually

[00:17:20] That whole

[00:17:21] Put your own life based on

[00:17:22] First is so true

[00:17:23] If you have got nothing to give

[00:17:25] You're not going to be any good

[00:17:26] To anyone

[00:17:26] It's so important that you

[00:17:28] Do take care of yourself

[00:17:30] How that comes out

[00:17:31] Is unique to everybody

[00:17:33] Maybe it's

[00:17:35] Running every day

[00:17:36] For some people

[00:17:36] Because that totally clears their head

[00:17:38] Maybe it's

[00:17:39] Not just physical rest

[00:17:41] But maybe it's like a sensory rest

[00:17:42] I know for me

[00:17:43] I get really sensory overwhelmed with

[00:17:45] All my dogs

[00:17:46] And all my

[00:17:47] Kids

[00:17:48] And just generally loud

[00:17:49] Pursuing myself

[00:17:50] So it's just having some

[00:17:51] Sensory quietness

[00:17:52] Is like really important for me

[00:17:54] We take time apart

[00:17:56] So my husband will take

[00:17:57] The kids away to

[00:17:58] Head folks for a few days

[00:17:59] And I'll have time at our house

[00:18:00] Just on my own

[00:18:01] And I think that's really important

[00:18:02] Because actually

[00:18:03] Then I'm in a much better space

[00:18:05] For being with my kids

[00:18:07] And being with the family

[00:18:07] And you'll get the same too

[00:18:09] So I think self-care

[00:18:10] Is whatever your needs are

[00:18:12] Like if your needs are

[00:18:13] That you need physical movement

[00:18:15] And that's what makes you

[00:18:16] Feel better than you do that

[00:18:17] And I think

[00:18:18] What's been missing for so long

[00:18:20] Is people listening

[00:18:21] That are in their wisdom

[00:18:23] About what their needs are

[00:18:24] And not meeting other needs

[00:18:25] So I think people probably don't even

[00:18:26] Some people don't even know

[00:18:27] What their needs are

[00:18:28] If you'd said this to me years ago

[00:18:29] I would have gone

[00:18:30] Fucked about what I need

[00:18:32] For like, I don't know what that is

[00:18:34] The only thing is

[00:18:35] I feel guilty

[00:18:36] About taking time for myself

[00:18:38] To be quite honest

[00:18:39] You know if we're in the house

[00:18:40] And my husband

[00:18:41] He's been working

[00:18:43] We haven't saw each other

[00:18:45] I've been working

[00:18:46] I feel guilty thinking

[00:18:47] You should be spending this time together

[00:18:49] Not time apart

[00:18:50] I should hug these three hours to myself

[00:18:52] I think that's been

[00:18:53] Probably, and this is why

[00:18:54] It brings you back to why

[00:18:55] I love working with women

[00:18:56] I think that's something

[00:18:57] That we've been

[00:18:58] Taught from society over the years

[00:19:00] That we should always be doing something

[00:19:02] You know for many years

[00:19:03] And I'm still guilty of it

[00:19:04] Now I've been quite a low state of mind

[00:19:05] I go back to old patterns

[00:19:07] And can't sit in the house

[00:19:09] There's always something to do

[00:19:10] I should be cleaning

[00:19:11] I shouldn't just be the inch of it

[00:19:12] It's okay to rest

[00:19:13] Rest is an activity in itself

[00:19:15] It's not the end result

[00:19:17] It is the activity

[00:19:18] And we shouldn't feel guilty for that

[00:19:20] But I think that's where that

[00:19:21] Mindset works come over the years

[00:19:23] Is that we've been conditioned

[00:19:24] In a way to think about it

[00:19:26] That we should always be doing something

[00:19:27] And if we're not

[00:19:29] There's something wrong

[00:19:29] And I don't think that's the right way

[00:19:31] To be at least embraced

[00:19:32] The brakes do a lot more

[00:19:33] And again

[00:19:34] That's more just tuning into your need

[00:19:35] What's your need right now?

[00:19:36] I run a monthly membership for women

[00:19:38] And it's called Claim Your Spea

[00:19:40] And it is all about exactly this

[00:19:42] It's around helping women

[00:19:44] Step into their power

[00:19:45] And claim their space in the world

[00:19:47] But it started with so many women

[00:19:48] I work with

[00:19:48] Looking for this external validation

[00:19:50] Or like being scared to

[00:19:52] Slow down in any capacity

[00:19:55] And finding their voice

[00:19:56] And dropping the shoe

[00:19:57] To just get into that state

[00:19:59] Of just don't care, I'm happy

[00:20:00] In how we can get to that point quicker

[00:20:02] And so the membership's all around that

[00:20:04] It's around claiming your space

[00:20:06] And the women standing in their own power

[00:20:08] And every month

[00:20:08] Are these little habits

[00:20:09] To try and empower that

[00:20:12] It's a really

[00:20:13] It's a very common thing

[00:20:14] And it is around how

[00:20:16] We value ourselves

[00:20:19] We don't need to look for that validation

[00:20:20] We shouldn't need the shoes

[00:20:21] And are like

[00:20:22] If we should be comfortable

[00:20:23] With what we're doing

[00:20:24] And how we're spending that time

[00:20:25] And the confidence and the self-worth

[00:20:27] To be like

[00:20:28] I don't need you

[00:20:29] To tell me I've done a good job

[00:20:31] To feel good

[00:20:31] And the majority of the work I do

[00:20:33] Is around helping people unpick

[00:20:34] Those inner blueprint

[00:20:36] Called breaking blueprints

[00:20:37] And it's around

[00:20:38] That kind of key step

[00:20:39] Where we discover your own inner blueprint

[00:20:42] You heal

[00:20:43] And reconnect with your wholeness

[00:20:44] And there's different things

[00:20:45] Under each of the

[00:20:46] And then

[00:20:47] We create new empowering blueprints

[00:20:49] For the future

[00:20:50] Because I think we're running blueprints

[00:20:52] Or patterns

[00:20:53] Or programming

[00:20:55] From our childhood

[00:20:56] From the blueprint we've had

[00:20:57] From our cadence

[00:20:59] From old relationships

[00:21:00] And unconsciously

[00:21:02] We pull some of that blueprints

[00:21:03] Through that programming

[00:21:04] Through

[00:21:05] But we don't know we're doing it

[00:21:06] Do we?

[00:21:07] We don't know we do it

[00:21:08] Yeah, it's like an invisible

[00:21:10] Okay

[00:21:11] Yeah

[00:21:12] And we could be running those blueprints

[00:21:14] And that maybe

[00:21:15] Comes out as anxiety

[00:21:16] Or maybe it comes out in

[00:21:18] You looking for that validation

[00:21:19] From your current partner

[00:21:20] Because maybe in previous relationship

[00:21:23] That was the way that relationship went

[00:21:24] But actually your current friend would be like

[00:21:25] I'm happy to go into the hour

[00:21:28] What quit as a previous partner

[00:21:29] Might not have been

[00:21:30] So you're unconsciously running

[00:21:32] Program

[00:21:34] Or kind of these blueprints

[00:21:35] So I'm kind of like

[00:21:36] Right, let's look at those inner blueprints

[00:21:37] The part of that is

[00:21:38] For me, definitely teaching

[00:21:40] People how their mind works

[00:21:42] Like how that

[00:21:43] Your thoughts, your feelings, your experience

[00:21:45] It's created

[00:21:46] Because I believe once we know that

[00:21:48] We can understand how the system works

[00:21:49] Like if you don't know how to drive a car

[00:21:51] Is really difficult to get that car

[00:21:53] To move and stay on the road

[00:21:54] Whereas once someone shows you

[00:21:55] How the system works

[00:21:56] You're off

[00:21:57] You can travel any direction you want

[00:21:59] So it's around understanding

[00:22:00] How the system works

[00:22:02] Holding that space

[00:22:03] And guiding you through

[00:22:04] Your nervous system

[00:22:05] Your mindset

[00:22:06] Your understanding

[00:22:08] The mind-body connection

[00:22:09] Your deeper wounds

[00:22:10] Like your inner child

[00:22:12] Or your power and authority wounds

[00:22:14] And stuff like that

[00:22:15] So helping people through

[00:22:17] You know, is experience

[00:22:18] It's dependent on what people have been through

[00:22:20] Because even if somebody just came to me

[00:22:21] Being like I'm kind of feeling a shift in my density

[00:22:23] I think that mindset works

[00:22:25] Really important there

[00:22:25] Just understanding how your mind works

[00:22:27] So you can achieve whatever the hell you want

[00:22:28] In life

[00:22:29] You don't have to have come with

[00:22:30] An issue of anxiety or trauma

[00:22:32] Or a fobier

[00:22:33] But I think that's for me

[00:22:35] The key thing is about

[00:22:36] Like it doesn't define you

[00:22:36] It doesn't define you

[00:22:37] No, and I think that is like

[00:22:39] I was working with some

[00:22:39] I made them women earlier

[00:22:41] Just going like

[00:22:41] Oh, this is who I am and a person

[00:22:43] That's not who you are as a person

[00:22:44] That is a play that you were

[00:22:47] At that moment in time

[00:22:48] And you were doing the best you knew how

[00:22:50] To do with what you had

[00:22:51] And what you knew at that time

[00:22:52] Not who you are

[00:22:54] It's just

[00:22:55] That's the experience you had

[00:22:56] But let's look at how we can get

[00:22:58] Kind of shift through that

[00:23:00] You know, you can rewrite at any point

[00:23:02] Like you're not a tree

[00:23:03] We're not rooted in ones

[00:23:04] What we can change

[00:23:05] We can become and do

[00:23:06] Aim at them we want

[00:23:07] We don't just need to be

[00:23:08] The way you've always been

[00:23:10] Like it's in it and possible

[00:23:11] We can always change that

[00:23:13] Oriel, what is that one quote

[00:23:15] That helps you

[00:23:16] That you always look back on?

[00:23:20] Er, yeah

[00:23:22] I think one root

[00:23:25] I come to an awful lot

[00:23:27] Is by Rumi the poet

[00:23:30] And I can't remember the exact quote

[00:23:32] But it is along the lines of

[00:23:35] Beyond the realms

[00:23:37] Or what is right and wrong

[00:23:39] There's a field

[00:23:40] And I'll meet you there

[00:23:42] By Rumi

[00:23:43] And that I thought was really

[00:23:46] Powerful in my early days

[00:23:48] And I always remembered that because

[00:23:51] I think with

[00:23:55] The childhood and like

[00:23:57] My prediction and stuff like that

[00:23:59] I was very focused on

[00:24:02] Who'd been righted

[00:24:02] And that I'd been wronged

[00:24:04] And for so long I think that would

[00:24:08] Well, there needs to be

[00:24:10] How's it going to be made right

[00:24:11] Or how is you going to take responsibility

[00:24:14] For everything that I'd been done

[00:24:15] And actually I was kind of like

[00:24:18] That doesn't exist anymore

[00:24:19] I just can't go back and turn back time

[00:24:20] What am I expecting of that person

[00:24:22] And I think

[00:24:24] Rumi it turned it

[00:24:25] And this is one of my bigger takeaways

[00:24:27] Is that

[00:24:29] Everything from the inside out

[00:24:31] It's not the circumstances that happen to me

[00:24:33] It's not the relationships that happen to me

[00:24:35] It's not the events that happen around me

[00:24:37] It's none of the things that are on my outside world

[00:24:40] It comes from the inside out

[00:24:42] How I experience things

[00:24:43] And how I deal with things

[00:24:44] And how I'm choosing to experience them

[00:24:47] So

[00:24:49] Reading that I was kind of like

[00:24:50] Actually it's not about

[00:24:53] Him, her

[00:24:55] That is actually all from inside of me

[00:24:57] And actually I need to find a way to accept it

[00:25:01] To forgive

[00:25:01] To accept

[00:25:02] To mourn the loss of stuff that's never going to be

[00:25:05] Relationships that are never

[00:25:06] As I'd hoped they would once be

[00:25:08] All of that

[00:25:10] Learned to just be really comfortable

[00:25:12] With all the uncomfortableness

[00:25:13] And just find a way

[00:25:14] To manage that myself

[00:25:16] And that will be from the inside out

[00:25:17] Not looking for people outside

[00:25:19] To change or those circumstances outside

[00:25:21] So yeah

[00:25:22] That was really a big one for me

[00:25:23] Because I mean

[00:25:24] All Rumi stuff

[00:25:25] If anyone knows any Rumi poems

[00:25:27] Are beautiful

[00:25:27] And I think they're always quite deep

[00:25:30] But that wouldn't really have a big impact

[00:25:31] Because it made me much more reflect and go inside

[00:25:34] So it was much more inside out my understanding

[00:25:36] And the way that I was then dealing with stuff

[00:25:38] And more recently there was one by

[00:25:41] I'm going to absolutely

[00:25:43] Destroy her name here

[00:25:44] Maria or Marie Orleoni

[00:25:47] Orleo

[00:25:50] And she had the book called

[00:25:52] Everything's Fagin' Out of Ball

[00:25:53] I just love that

[00:25:54] Like we use that all around my house

[00:25:55] And I say that with the kids

[00:25:56] No matter what goes on

[00:25:57] We're like

[00:25:58] What?

[00:25:58] Everything's Fagin' Out of Ball

[00:25:59] It's okay

[00:26:00] I think it's maybe a business book

[00:26:01] But I just like that idea

[00:26:03] Of just being much more delightful with things

[00:26:05] Like everything's Fagin' Out of Ball

[00:26:06] And that can be anything

[00:26:08] Like practical things

[00:26:10] Financial things

[00:26:11] Emotional things

[00:26:12] Everything is Fagin' Out of Ball

[00:26:13] Math and can't be changed

[00:26:15] Or fixed or

[00:26:18] Viewed in a different way

[00:26:19] And I just really love that

[00:26:21] You know

[00:26:21] Open that mindset

[00:26:23] From being really black and white

[00:26:24] And really rigid to be largely

[00:26:26] Everything's Fagin' Out of Ball

[00:26:27] Let's just come at it from a different direction

[00:26:28] Let's just see what can be done

[00:26:31] And even if it's a small shift

[00:26:33] It's a shift that something's changed though

[00:26:34] Yeah

[00:26:35] Those two I think for me are the biggest takeaway

[00:26:39] Are you happy?

[00:26:42] Yeah

[00:26:42] I think I would say I am

[00:26:43] And I think this is another thing

[00:26:46] That I found really powerful

[00:26:49] When I work with people

[00:26:50] Is that

[00:26:52] I think previously

[00:26:54] I used to be a lot more like

[00:26:57] I'll be happy when

[00:26:59] Like I'll be happy

[00:27:01] When I have aig the mighty money in the bank or

[00:27:05] I'll be happy when I'm at a certain size

[00:27:09] Or fitness level

[00:27:11] Probably a size

[00:27:12] I'll be happy when

[00:27:15] All these things fall into place

[00:27:16] And there's something incredibly powerful

[00:27:19] But I've just been really happy with that

[00:27:21] Like the

[00:27:22] The mundane that every day

[00:27:23] Like finds and joy in every day things

[00:27:25] I think is

[00:27:27] Is a unique gift

[00:27:28] Because I think so

[00:27:29] You know

[00:27:29] Particularly in the West over here

[00:27:31] Like I think we're

[00:27:31] Consumerism's taken over

[00:27:35] And I can like nice things

[00:27:38] But I can be happy with

[00:27:40] Every day

[00:27:41] Or once you can be happy with like a snuggle

[00:27:43] With your kids or

[00:27:44] Like your puppy or your partner

[00:27:46] To find and joy in every day

[00:27:47] And be happy and content

[00:27:50] Is really, really lovely

[00:27:51] And you can still have these big visions

[00:27:53] Like

[00:27:55] I've been a maid and business

[00:27:56] And business coach then get in

[00:27:57] She always

[00:27:58] How does she fade it like

[00:28:00] One foot in the now

[00:28:02] And one foot in the future

[00:28:03] And it's okay to still want all these bigger things

[00:28:06] But you can still find happiness and joy in the here and now

[00:28:09] But it's okay to have that

[00:28:10] And still have this massive vision for a big future

[00:28:13] Yeah, I am happy

[00:28:14] I think I have good relationships with

[00:28:18] Family

[00:28:18] With friends

[00:28:19] With kids and everything

[00:28:22] Yeah, happy with my purpose in life

[00:28:24] And being able to work with the people I work with

[00:28:26] And finding your purpose

[00:28:27] It probably brings most amount of joy, doesn't it?

[00:28:29] Like when you do something that you believe in

[00:28:31] And that you feel inspired by

[00:28:34] Whether that's working for yourself

[00:28:36] Working for someone else

[00:28:37] Not working with enough people

[00:28:39] Doing whatever it is you do in life

[00:28:42] Thank you so much, Oreo

[00:28:43] This has been amazing

[00:28:44] So inspiring

[00:28:45] And you've given me a lot to think about

[00:28:48] And I hope the listeners too

[00:28:50] I just love how you simplify everything

[00:28:53] And it makes much sense

[00:28:54] And we'd really love to have you back on Scotland's Women

[00:28:58] For the next series

[00:28:59] Because you're doing so much

[00:29:00] And we'd love to hear more from you

[00:29:02] That was great

[00:29:03] Thank you so much

[00:29:03] Thanks everyone

[00:29:04] You can join the Clean Your Space

[00:29:06] A monthly membership for women

[00:29:08] Where it covers all aspects of mindset and well-being

[00:29:11] In really small manageable chunks

[00:29:14] So it can fit in with your daily life

[00:29:16] And access it when you need it as well

[00:29:19] You can find that on my socials

[00:29:20] I'm on Instagram

[00:29:21] Aurel Taylor Coaching

[00:29:23] Facebook

[00:29:24] At Aurel Taylor Coaching

[00:29:25] And the website

[00:29:26] Which is

[00:29:26] Aurel-Taylor.co.uk

[00:29:29] And my email and contact me

[00:29:31] And everything is there

[00:29:32] And all the details of

[00:29:33] All my upcoming retreats as well

[00:29:35] Thank you for listening to Scotland's Women

[00:29:38] We would love to hear from you

[00:29:40] So please visit the website

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