Start From Within

[00:00:03] The biggest one is forgiveness. You have to forgive. I forgive the people who are hurting me big time. And I've done it for myself. It's about going forward and with my parents, it is really tricky. It's still very tricky with my mum.

[00:00:24] And I'm slowly, slowly trying to accept that I cannot help them. It is sad. It's heartbreaking. I can sometimes cry and it is so painful. And this is where it comes. I'm not just a ball of happiness 24-7.

[00:00:46] So it's really hard. And I am working on it. And all I hope for is to find peace with it. That's just my biggest hope. Scotlands Women, our lives, our stories. Now let's get on with the show.

[00:01:05] How are you doing? Hi, Kirsten. I'm good. How are you? Good. Thank you so much for coming on Scotland's Women podcast. Welcome. Thanks. Thanks for inviting me. It's my pleasure to be here.

[00:01:35] Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah, I generally do. Even the most horrible things, they are happening. I believe that everything, and it's according to quantum physics, everything is energy, frequency and vibration. So the things that are happening, somehow a combination of specific energy and frequencies and vibration that will put all those things together. We attract things in our life.

[00:02:04] It's a very positive way to look at life. Going, oh, it happens for a reason. Are you the type of person that dwells on things? I read somewhere, problem's a problem until you start overthinking it. The problem becomes bigger if you keep giving too much energy to it. From you, when we've been speaking, you've been so positive all the time. And I was so glad to have you on the podcast because it was positivity. You always have something to come back with every time I've spoken to you.

[00:02:34] There is no need to get upset about small things because it's just wasted energy. It's fine to be unhappy, angry, frustrated, upset. And I do get like, I might look like if I'm always happy, but that's not the case. It's super important to feel the emotions and feel all the spectrum of the emotions. Extremely important. That's why we're here on this planet.

[00:02:59] But you can choose how certain things and events affect you or not affect you. So every time something happens, I have a choice how I'm going to react to that. And if I do feel like crying, yeah, I'll just go and cry. But it's how long I'm going to allow those events and the negative events affect me.

[00:03:22] It's just finding the balance and allowing yourself to be consumed by the negative events or not allowing and trying to find the good in the bad even. You've always been like this. It's, you know. No. You're very logical and very scientific about it. And I'm just kind of like, whoa, you seem like a woman that's got her shit together. I want to listen to you more.

[00:03:50] But I'm kind of like, wow, why do I not think like that? You're a thought away from this. The magic of the whole thing is we all are thought away of deciding to stop the suffering and the vicious cycles we're in. Because once you realize and once you get a conscious decision of stopping the cycle and you start doing something towards improving your life and making conscious decision and

[00:04:15] reactions to things, it's a snowball effect and can go like in a negative way or in a positive way. Well, it's like, you know, the day starts and something negative happens. And everything's negative. It's just like snowballs in a horrible way. But you can stop it in the middle of the day and say, right, OK, I've had enough. I'm sure something's going to happen. And sometimes it's just the thought of believing that something's good going to happen.

[00:04:43] Sometimes in the middle of the day, things just start becoming better. That's not easy. You know, because you're like, oh, when they say, oh, it comes in threes. Yeah. And you're like, wow, OK, I'm waiting for number two or I'm waiting for number three. Is that me just putting too much negative energy out? It is true that you're a thought away or things can change very quickly in the negative and in the positive direction. Because it's not as dense.

[00:05:12] It's not as like the matter. Everything's like physical. That's what we see and that's what we perceive. But for example, according to quantum physics, it's not possible even to touch anything when I'm touching. Like even my fingers when I'm touching a table at the moment. And this is just the electrical charge between me and the table, which we've got different frequencies and frequencies that vibrate on. So I think I have only the feeling of touching something.

[00:05:41] But I cannot. It's not possible to touch anything. Like how cool is that? And it's mind blowing. And some people are like, oh, I don't want to know about this. But it's so cool. Do you get that a lot though? Oh yeah, I do. You know, because like you were talking about the table and I'm like, no offense. I was just kind of like lost a little bit in going, what's that got to do with vibrations and energy? But then is that me being negative? Because I'm like, I don't understand. I don't want to hear about this.

[00:06:10] It's great to ask those questions. It's great saying I don't understand. And it's fine when people say, I just don't want to know. I don't want this in my life. That's absolutely fine. I mean, I'm just curious about the spirituality and quantum physics and sign. And I see how they all intertwined. And that helped me with my life and to get to the point where I am. The knowledge I've got at the moment and I'm learning every day is extremely helpful. Like I am the product of all that knowledge.

[00:06:39] I'm super positive, which is great to hear because I was in a big victim hunt years ago. So I couldn't imagine you being in a dark place, to be quite honest, because you are very positive. Do you ever look back on your life? It's things that just kept going wrong all the time. So the woman you are today and how educating yourself has helped.

[00:07:06] I'm still looking back and I'm still uncovering things that hurt me or traumatized me at a particular time in my life and shaped my personality. And I'm still like, oh, yeah, that was really hurtful. That was really bad. But acknowledging, understanding and working through this. And it's called like a shadow work.

[00:07:27] When you're facing your demons or the things that really traumatize, sometimes your brain just pushes out the memories and you just forget things that happen to you. I believe you always got a choice. Even in the most horrible situations, you always have a choice what route you can go down to.

[00:07:47] This is why we have beautiful stories about people having horrible situations and they're still making their way back and they're still managing to enjoy life. I'm not saying forgetting all this stuff, but still managing to come out. Where some people are just couldn't for whatever reason, but they still had a choice, I believe.

[00:08:11] And there's no right or wrong and not just saying that person was not a good person or weak or anything. It just shows you that we are capable, what we're capable of to overcome even the most horrible and the darkest places and situations. The work put in for whatever reason. Have you ever been in a dark place? Absolutely. Lots of times.

[00:08:39] Tell us about your journey, how you discovered this new way of living. I was born in Russia in a city called Vladivostok. Very, very far away from here, 8,000 miles, I believe. And this is where I grew up, up till my 20s. So my childhood was interesting. At the age of five, I nearly died. I had appendix surgery, but it was really kind of a really bad one.

[00:09:07] It was hidden and it was like, I was like, which one were minutes away from pass exploding within my body and killing me. So I've spent like 10 days in intensive care where normally people would be like a couple of days. Appendix cut and yeah, that's fine. That was when I was told by the doctors that my gut will never recover from this because I was on heavy antibiotics. And like medicated just so I can survive. Then came the school. I was seven years old.

[00:09:37] From pretty much the first day I was told I'm not the sharpest. I was bullied by classmates and teachers. I had a teacher who was teaching literature and Russian language. And she like told me that my name doesn't exist. So she's going to call me a different name. And so that was kind of interesting. I was abused physically by a boy at school just before the class.

[00:10:05] And then only one person in the class said to the teacher that I was abused. But the teacher ignored. So I was hated pretty much by everyone at school. At the age of 10 I made a conscious decision that I'm going to leave Russia when I grow up. And that was influenced by an interesting, kind of funny situation. I was watching a TV box about the police dog in Austria.

[00:10:30] And the police dog, the owner of the police dog died and the dog went to a cemetery in Austria. And I was amazed by the beauty of the park. I really fell in love with the place. And I was like, yeah, this is, I'm going to move to Europe. Because kind of the age of 10 I started, or maybe even earlier, horrible anxiety and panic attacks and fear of death. So I was put on medication quite early.

[00:10:57] So I ended up having five different medications in my early teens. And that's what I was taking for a good few years, a good few medications. And then I managed to be on just one, which is sertraline. And I was taking sertraline until my early 30s. So almost getting on 20 years. I was on it. I lived in Russia at the age of 20 and I moved to Germany, Munich. And that was because there was into a rock band called Scorpions.

[00:11:27] There was a shop in Munich. Like the owner was a guy who was playing band Scorpions. So it was a silly reason to pick a city. So yeah, I lived on my own. Was that not scary? 20, you've moved halfway across the world on your own. Yeah, but I just saw head enough. Because my parents were doing everything that could traumatise me as well. My mum and dad were in a bit of a vicious cycle of kind of fighting and stuff.

[00:11:55] Not the physical face, but like having arguments and stuff, which was traumatising me in a specific way. I felt like I was left alone on my own. I didn't feel secure. Basically, I didn't feel secure at home. I didn't feel secure at school. There was no space for me to feel secure emotionally, mentally. I was constantly at the doctors and like I was diagnosed with stuff. Obviously, my stomach should have never recovered. I should have been, sorry for that, constipated for the rest of my life.

[00:12:26] Anxiety, panic attacks, fear of death. Even diagnosed with dystonia, characteristic of ADHD, autism. I could not process specific things at school. Like my brain doesn't process it at all. I'm hyperactivity. I'm sensitive to specific findings, lights and whatever. So I was even diagnosed with a late epilepsy as well. Wow. I never had any kind of episodes of that. So I have no idea.

[00:12:56] But apparently in my brain, some activities is the same as someone who's got epilepsy. So I don't, childhood trauma, toxic relationships and bullying, all that stuff. I moved to Germany. I ran away from it. Wow, but it was everything that you've said. It was like everything was against you. Yes, that's how it felt. But I ran away from my problems, which was the first step.

[00:13:22] Actually, my health improved drastically, literally overnight. I had no problems with my stomach. My mental health did improve. I felt like I was freed from all the horrible stuff that was happening to me in Russia. But I did run away. So because I didn't address the root cause and what is that exactly I was running away from

[00:13:46] and how it shaped my personality, I managed to get involved into a tier of a toxic relationship with a man. Because if you don't address things, they just keep coming back to you. So yeah, eight years of toxic relationship. But that Scottish man, actually, is from Scotland. Are you okay talking about this? Absolutely. No, I'm good. Because watching you right now, I can see your brain working.

[00:14:15] You are analysing your life as you tell it right now. And the look on your face, you seem disappointed. I'm genuinely actually grateful for everything that happened in life. Really? I truly am. I truly am. Yeah. Maybe it brings a specific kind of face or expression of the face because of kind of going back in time almost. Yeah.

[00:14:44] But in my heart and my soul, I'm absolutely grateful for everything that happened because I would have not been sitting here and talking to you and doing what I'm doing. So the things that happened to me, they didn't happen to me, they happened with me. And this is the big difference because people think everything's happening to them. Yeah. And all those horrible things are bombarding them and they just get worse and worse and worse and worse.

[00:15:14] And how much are you going to take, you know, until you actually say, right, this is just not working out. What can I do? How can I get to the root cause of the whole thing and address it and work through it and actually start enjoying my life and building the life that I want? And that's what I did. That's what I'm doing every day. When was the turning point for you, Didier?

[00:15:41] I was living in Germany in Munich for 10 years and those toxic relationships were a long distant relationship. Charles was coming to Scotland, he was coming to Munich. Then when I got a German passport, we decided that I'll come over and leave with him and we tried to live together. So I moved from Munich to Glasgow and that did work out. We actually broke up when COVID hit. I brought my parents, who were still living in Dresher, to Scotland.

[00:16:12] There was a way to do that. So I brought them here. And yeah, guess what? Because I never worked through all the traumas and the issues with my parents and our relationship, because I was only seeing them once a year before that. All the problems just started to appear again. Were they living with you at this time? Yeah, I was living with my mum. My dad was living separately in a different place.

[00:16:42] So yeah, I kind of knew what I was going into, but I was just denying it. And I was desperate for trying to help my parents because I didn't want them to stay in Russia. And then obviously the war started and all that nonsense. So it was kind of, it takes three days to travel now to where I'm from. So I made a mistake. I didn't make a mistake because it's all led to where I am today. So obviously my relationship with my mum started to become really bad, like really bad.

[00:17:11] And I got curious about CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy. And this is where I started finally to address things in my life. So it was like so painful, like painful, mentally painful. It's like painful. It's not, it's almost like a physical pain, but it's a mental pain as well. So like I cried so much through those therapies. It was just like unbelievable.

[00:17:39] But things were, things had to be addressed and it was all coming out of me as well. It's like extremely hurtful. But at the same time, I was cleaning myself out and realising things that just buried deep down. And I didn't want to look at those horrible, ugly things. So once I faced them and I went through the phase of literally just crying and being in pain,

[00:18:05] things started to become better because I started to actually love myself and stop pretending that everything's okay. When you were working your way through this and you were discovering all these emotions, your parents are here at this point. Did you ever speak to your mum or dad about this? Because you spoke earlier about how the brain is this amazing thing.

[00:18:32] It can cut trauma out to the point where you've completely forgotten about it. So are you reliving this and it's like opening a Pandora's box, isn't it? So did you think, am I lying about things? And were you challenging your mum and dad just trying to put pieces together? And how were they reacting towards you?

[00:18:53] It was interesting because I cannot always have this idea of my dad being a villain and my mum being a victim. So my dad's behaving back towards my mum and my mum is a poor victim. And then I realised, holy moly, we have both been treating each other horribly. So no one's right, no one's wrong. They were feeding each other with this toxic relationship and constantly fighting and disagreeing or whatever.

[00:19:22] But also constantly triggering themselves and each other to constantly have specific disagreements and fights over the same things over and over again. So my perspective changed to there's no one's right and wrong. My parents are just, they just love being in this toxic cycle. And obviously because they were traumatised and their parents were traumatised. And I believe generational trauma is real.

[00:19:51] People just hurt and hurt people. So I did try to address. And it's still very challenging with my mum especially. Because she can't accept the fact that she was traumatised. So I believe it's too painful for her to realise. And I obviously don't know what her traumas are because I wasn't even born. So I can only guess but I can see the pain. Which is, this is the last thing that I'm still coping with.

[00:20:22] Mentally is seeing my mum suffering. And not being able to do anything about this. I didn't get really that acknowledgement that I cannot hold for probably. And it's not about blaming anyone. And that's your fault, that's your fault. I think what's only fair is if you hurt someone intentionally, unintentionally. And if that person tells you, look, X, Y, Z happened.

[00:20:50] And that made me feel a certain way. My first reaction, this is what I'm trying the best to be at, is acknowledging and apologising for this. Whether it was intentional or not intentional. And I guess this is where I would love to be with my mum. But not there yet. Did you ever get any resistance from when you were bringing up things? You know, did you ever get called a liar?

[00:21:19] You know, because there's a lot of stuff that I know people who have discovered things that have happened growing up through their childhood and their teens. And then when they get to an adult, everything starts coming back. It's like they're putting the timeline of their life together and going, no, that actually did happen. I think my dad is more knowledgeable of that. He's struggling to express his feelings, though. So it's hard for him to really say things.

[00:21:49] But for my mum, it's a defensive mechanism. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to do that. Like, obviously, I didn't mean to hurt you. And it's not about that. So in her reality, it's the defensive mechanism. It's the ego that's trying to protect you. And like, no, no, no, no. Like, just don't. Let's just don't go in there. So it's like too painful. And I know that. I've addressed a couple of times. I didn't get what I was hoping for.

[00:22:16] So I'm making peace with this because nothing you can do. You can't change anyone. Because the simplest example is if someone's addicted, this person has to realise that he or she are addicted to whatever they're addicted to. And unless they do this, you can say anything you want. They're not going to accept it. They're not going to say, oh, yeah, wait a minute.

[00:22:46] I think I am addicted. I better go and do something about that. Accountability and taking responsibility. You have to realise it yourself. But it's about going forward. And yeah, with my parents, it is really tricky. It's still very tricky with my mum. And I'm slowly, slowly trying to accept that I cannot help them.

[00:23:12] So I went through a phase of thinking that if I'm going to see this and if I'm going to show this book, actually, like, not practising what I preach, but trying to give them some external things and advice. I thought I'm going to fix something. But I was wrong. And I'm happy to admit it. So it is sad. It's heartbreaking. I can sometimes cry. And it is so painful. And this is where it comes.

[00:23:41] I'm not just a ball of happiness 24-7. It happens. So it's really hard. And I am working on it. And all I hope for is to find peace with it. That's just my biggest hope. Is that... Zaria, tell us when you started your journey on self-discovery.

[00:24:11] Yeah. So it started with CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I believe it's called. Yeah. So it's talking through things. The therapist is asking you questions to help you. It's almost talking to yourself. But it's uncovered a lot. So that was like the first kind of push, the first breakthrough and start of the journey allowed me to let the things flow.

[00:24:36] And kind of that starting point that was extremely good for me. And from that, I've discovered the whole world of holistic health, complementary and alternative treatments. And I was still on the medication. I was still taking my lovely self-sertraline every single day for, yeah, almost 20 years. Once I started to discover one of the things that really helped me was medical intuitive.

[00:25:04] That person who can scan to your body on this energy frequency and vibration level. So that kind of that person, although she didn't know me, she confirmed the things that I had problems with. So she could see through you, you know, and I know some people will say, whoa, whoa. And that's absolutely fine. So I've kind of go into the medical intuitive. Also biofield tuning.

[00:25:34] This is to do with vibration. This is the forks. And if anyone's interested, yeah, it's called biofield tuning. That's specific forks that can help regulate your body. So they set you for a specific vibration. It helps regulate things in your body. Did you know all about this when you started making the journey? What was your mindset at this point? Because were you just being the yes woman? I'm just going to try anything. I'm just going to go on this journey because it was very.

[00:26:03] Considering what you've been through. Were you not very guarded? Protecting yourself on new things and trying new things. Being on this medication for 20 years, were you not scared? At that point, I was more scared that I was taking something for 20 years and it never helped me. But it's a quip. Because I will start, I just started questioning things in a good way. And please don't get me wrong. And I don't want the audience to get me wrong.

[00:26:29] There are times where antidepressants can be helpful as a short term solution only though. Because if you're not addressing the root cause, you'll be suffering. You just kind of go into this suffering loop. How did that medication make you feel? I've never personally been on antidepressants before. A lot of people that have told me about it say that it kind of makes you feel numb almost. I saw it. Right. Okay. Yeah.

[00:26:59] So it numbs you. And you can express yourself. You can be your authentic. So the things are still in the background. The things that were making you down and the things that were making you depressed or anxious or having panic attacks. Those things are still there. They're still shaping your personality because you've not addressed them. All you do, you're numbing the symptoms. And as I said, it can be helpful for a short period of time.

[00:27:28] So, yeah, looking back when you were growing up and you were seeing all these doctors and you got prescribed antidepressants at a very young age, they were labelling you with all these different issues. That itself is traumatic. So growing up, you must have thought that all this was going on. But how do you feel now looking back on that?

[00:27:55] Now I feel like I do not have anything. I'm not ill. I've got still some symptoms of the things that traumatize me or have been in a specific situation that evolved into specific personality traits.

[00:28:15] And I do believe that extreme amount of cases with ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, mental health, any, actually, absolutely, any health conditions, stomach issues, like you name it. Even cancer can be a symptom of a suppressed emotion, a traumatic experience. And our body is just telling us, pay attention.

[00:28:43] There is something wrong in your environment, in your relationships, in the way things are in your life. So there's so many cases where we just make ourselves ill. And this is a protective mechanism. You can't cope with things. When people start saying you, you're stupid, then that's not going to make you all of a sudden more clever than I was a kid. I've been told that I'm not the sharpest.

[00:29:09] The teacher's sitting in our flat saying to my mum and dad that I'm not the sharpest. I mean, look at me. I don't think I'm not the sharpest. That's cruel. Yeah, I'm not saying from an ego perspective. I'm just saying that all those labels were for nothing. I've healed from things that I was labelled incurable. Yes, I do have issues with processing certain information or reactive to certain things. I know my triggers.

[00:29:38] But because I know them and I know where the legs are growing from, I can control it. I can cope with this better. I can react to this. I show myself self-love. And I'm also setting boundaries and saying, this is too noisy for me, this environment. I have to go home. And if someone wants to get offended, not my problem. I believe we make ourselves ill and we can heal ourselves. Tell us what's happening in your life now.

[00:30:08] Oh, it's so much happening. It's like unbelievable. It was made redundant last year. Kind of around this time, actually. Me and my fiancé already had an idea that was kind of bubbling. It's actually about helping people. And we want to spread the word about holistic health complementary and alternative treatments.

[00:30:30] And our main mission is to empower people on the journey of healing so they can get into the right frequency, right energy and right vibration and basically heal themselves. Because what complementary and alternative treatments are doing, they are not healing. Like, I don't believe that there is a magical tool that just goes and heals anyone, whether it's Western medicine or complementary and alternative.

[00:31:00] It's only setting the right energy to heal, to promote healing from within. Even if you have a broken leg, for example, you're doing the healing. Yes, you might need your wound clean and, I mean, you take some medication. But the actual healing is coming from within, even on that level. So that's about it, is to educate people.

[00:31:25] And then we want to help general public find the right treatment and the right practitioners so they kind of have a marketplace. And in today's world, you know how, like, we're so overwhelmed with information. And when we were trying to find the treatment and the practitioners so much on the internet and I've heard so much from people that they just end up with thousands of tabs open and they still don't know where to go. Yeah. So we found that gap. And it's very overwhelming, isn't it?

[00:31:55] Exactly. Do you feel, obviously, people listening to this going, oh, holistic therapy, blah, blah. And this is absolutely fine. We're not here to convince anyone in anything, to be honest. It's if you're curious. Yes, if you're not, that's absolutely fine. What I can say is that Western medicine is absolutely amazing and it is saving lives every single day.

[00:32:20] But to give you some stats, around 70% of people in the UK on the prescribed medication, which means they're highly likely not addressing the root cause because they are just treating the symptoms. So what it does, at some point, things will unfortunately get worse and you get some other diseases, some other illnesses. So your prescription is less gross. Your life is now getting better. Obviously, everyone does mistakes.

[00:32:49] I mean, people die from Western medicine as well. There's around 20,000 people in the UK every year. The stats have seen how dying from doctors' mistakes. We're only humans, you know? True. Going to GP and 100% relying on just your GP who is human, just like you, and we all make mistakes. You can get some help, of course, and there are situations where it is saving lives.

[00:33:17] But I think we've reached that point where we're a bit kind of misusing it at points and we're not realising how much power we've got within and how powerful holistic health is. So body, mind and soul. And by addressing all three and how this simple diet, when you find your own way and your own diet that works for you, how this alone can already help you with whatever you've got.

[00:33:46] It doesn't matter what you've got, really. Whether you've got mental health problems, gut problems, ADHD, no anything to do with neurodiverse. Like, food is so, so important. There's lots of things in the holistic health that everyone can do today and start small and heal for themselves. So, Ria, are you still on antidepressants now? No. I've been clean for over two years now.

[00:34:16] How do you feel? I've never felt better in life. And I'm being absolutely honest about that. This is the best decision was to get rid of that last medication that was not allowing me to be what I am actually. Oh, and what do you do to replace that? You'd been taking an antidepressant for 20 years.

[00:34:44] It's something that you've learned in the treating the symptoms. How do you treat your symptoms now? I don't have them. I hardly ever have them. I cannot remember when I woke up last time in the middle of the night sweating and thinking that I'm going to die. I genuinely, I swear, I cannot remember when that happened last time. Wow. So, yeah.

[00:35:12] I can remember when I was anxious and sitting there and like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm going to die and stuff like that. I can imagine you being an anxious person. And I mean, I have anxiety too. You grow to hide it as well. So you're constantly on alert to try and calm your symptoms down. So tell me about your holistic journey.

[00:35:36] Because yourself and your fiancé, you've both discovered yourself, went on this journey together. Why did it work for you? And why do you want to spread the word more? I genuinely believe it can work for everyone. I've addressed body, mind and soul. So when I'm talking about the body, I've looked at what I consume. And by what I consume, it's intertwined with mind and soul, obviously, because it's all interconnected.

[00:36:04] In terms of consumption, what I'm in is not just what you eat, but what you consume from like news or speaking to people who are constantly gossiping and spreading negative thoughts and ideas and constantly like in a victimhood. All those energies around you setting boundaries. And one of the biggest one is forgiveness.

[00:36:34] You have to forgive. I know it's going to sound really hard for some of us and probably for all of us, but I genuinely forgive the people who are hurting me big time. And I've done it for myself because I believe it's extremely powerful. Because if you don't forgive those people, they are still in control of your life, actually. Because you keep thinking about them. You keep getting hurt.

[00:37:04] And then the way you treat others, this will bleed through your relationship with other people. You'll react to things because you're afraid that you're going to be treated the same way that person treated you. And you don't trust. It can only get worse. So forgiveness is extremely powerful. And so it's setting boundaries to actually be able to say, no, this is not right for me. No, I can't be in those relationships. I've lost two friends last year. I've lost two friends last year.

[00:37:34] And it's kind of died off. And I was like, that just makes sense. We're just not on the same frequency. It's like we were not listening to the same radio station, you know. So it kind of made logical sense that those people disappeared. It's quite scary, though, because when you start to do that, sometimes you end up being alone. Because you've surrounded yourself your entire life with all these people that are not on the same page as you.

[00:38:04] Did you ever feel like that when you were going through that journey? Absolutely. Through the years, I kept losing people for various reasons. Absolutely. You lose people through your life. Sometimes it can get really lonely. But there is an interesting thing I've heard is, like, how much poison can you take until it kills you? What's the biggest main lessons in life you've learned, Aria?

[00:38:32] A good one probably is the first realisation of, I was never born and I will never die. And it might sound absolutely crazy to some people. No, it's a little crazy. It's how you feel. But generally, I believe that we are here to experience this planet and all the spectrums of feelings and emotions.

[00:39:02] But if we go into science that intertwines with spirituality, we are part of the collective consciousness. And I am an eternal soul that just came down here to have this experience and navigate through and actually feel the separation where in reality we're all one. So I see everyone as another version of me. Like, you are another me and I am another you.

[00:39:31] So this is how I live my daily life. Every time I'm angry at someone or everyone, someone upsets me or makes me happy. It doesn't matter. I always look at this. This is just another version of me. This is the universe experiencing itself. In all this spectrum, everything is energy, frequency and vibration. And I am 99.9% of empty space. So it's just that illusion of everything is so hard.

[00:40:00] There is this delay in manifestation because everything is so dense here and it's so hard. But we're all unlimited. And the things are happening with me, not to me. If I look at this... Never thought it that way. Yeah, it's with me, not against me. Because life can get a... Life is hard and challenges crop up every single day. So...

[00:40:30] Yeah, absolutely. So the victimhood and I've been there. I know that. Like, you start thinking, oh my God, and this and that. And like, everyone and everything is against you. And it's not. You're a thought away of thinking, right, those things are happening with me. What can I do? How can I change my perspective? How can I realize that all those people who were hurting me, I just hurt themselves. Part of the forgiveness. I just understand that those people are suffering extremely.

[00:40:59] And they're allowing themselves to project this suffering on others. Where in the reality, it's never, ever personal. Never, ever. No one is personal against you. The only person you can be against is yourself. Because if you're kind to yourself, and you realize that we're just part of the collective consciousness, and we just all hurt to a degree, some more and some less.

[00:41:26] And like, why would you project all this, all your pain from the inside on the outside? Like, if you work on yourself, and you realize that all those things, all those actions that you're trying to, yeah, not be nice to someone, or you're trying to be, yeah. And sometimes people don't even, they can't even explain why they're behaving like this.

[00:41:50] And they just keep being horrible to others, not realizing that the pain is coming from within. Thank you so much, Doria. There's one last question I ask everybody, and it's kind of words to live by. Is there a quote that you live by in your life that you've always got at the forefront of your brain, and it just gets you through that day? Could you share that with us? Yes, I definitely do. It's be kind to yourself, so you can be kind to others.

[00:42:23] I love that. That's my motto. It's just be kind, isn't it? Be kind to each other. But it starts from within. That's the thing. It starts always from within the kindness. When you're kind to yourself, you're showing yourself self-love. You understand yourself. You're being authentic. Then automatically, all you want to do is spread love, kindness and compassion. That's what it starts from within. This is how I see the world.

[00:42:53] I love that. Thank you so much, Doria. Thank you so much for coming on the Scotland's Women podcast. Thank you. Take care. See you soon. Bye. See you soon, Kirsten. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to Scotland's Women. We would love to hear from you, so please visit the website at scotlandswomen.com as every Scotland's woman has a story to tell. And please subscribe on wherever you get your podcasts.